Intent Matters In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

I’ve been at my marketing firm for almost 3 years now, and overall it’s been decent. We’re a small operation with offices in different cities, which means a lot of email correspondence with people I rarely see in person.

There’s this guy, Theodore, from our western branch who always ends his work emails with ‘God Bless You’ and randomly inserts Bible verses into professional communications.

At first, I just rolled my eyes and ignored it. I was raised in a Muslim household, though I’m not particularly religious myself. I respect everyone’s beliefs, but there’s a time and place, you know?

About six months after I started, I mentioned it to my manager, Miles.

He shrugged and said, ‘Yeah, I know it’s weird, but his branch manager doesn’t see an issue with it. Just ignore it.’

So that’s what I did. For nearly two years, I bit my tongue every time I saw ‘Psalms 23:4’ randomly inserted into an email about quarterly projections.

But last week, I was having a particularly rough day. My car broke down, I spilled coffee on my shirt, and I was behind on three deadlines. When Theodore emailed me about some missing reports, I briefly mentioned I was having a tough day.

His response included an entire paragraph about how ‘God tests those he loves’ with some Bible verses about perseverance.

Something in me just snapped.

I wrote a polite but firm email, copying both Miles and Theodore’s manager, Claire. I explained that while I appreciated his intentions, I would prefer to keep our work correspondence free of religious references.

Then – and I admit this was petty – I signed off with ‘As-Salaam-Alaikum.’

Miles called me into his office almost immediately. ‘What are you doing mocking Theodore’s religion?’ he demanded.

‘I’m not mocking anything,’ I replied.

‘I’m simply establishing boundaries about keeping religion out of work emails. If it’s appropriate for him to say ‘God Bless You’ in every email, why can’t I use a Muslim greeting?’

‘That’s different,’ Miles argued, though when I asked if he even knew what the phrase meant, he admitted he didn’t.

‘It means ‘Peace be unto you,” I explained.

‘How is that offensive but Theodore’s constant preaching isn’t?’

Miles just told me to get back to work.

Two days later, our CEO sent a company-wide email outlining a new policy: no religious, political, or personal viewpoints in any company communications.

Period.

An hour later, Theodore texted my personal number: ‘I hope you’re happy, you’ve ruined everything.’

I don’t feel bad about standing up for myself, but some colleagues are giving me the cold shoulder now.

AITJ for causing this whole situation?

Another User Comments: NTJ at all. Your coworker was completely out of line bringing religion into a professional setting for years. The double standard is what gets me – apparently it’s fine for him to push his beliefs on everyone, but the moment you use a simple, respectful greeting from another faith, suddenly it’s ‘mocking’?

That’s pure nonsense. Your boss should have handled this years ago instead of telling you to just deal with it. The new policy is actually what should have been in place all along. Theodore needs to grow up and realize work email isn’t his personal pulpit.

Another User Comments: I’m going with a soft YTJ, not for the boundary setting, but for how you did it.

You could have addressed this privately with Theodore first before escalating to management. Adding that greeting was clearly meant to make a point, and while I understand your frustration, two wrongs don’t make a right. The text he sent afterward was inappropriate too, but you both could have handled this more maturely.

Sometimes it’s better to have a direct conversation before making it official. That said, the company needed a clear policy on this anyway.

Another User Comments: NTJ and I’m laughing at how perfectly you exposed the hypocrisy.

Your boss had YEARS to address this but chose to ignore it until you flipped the script. This is exactly how marginalized groups often have to create change – by making the majority feel what they’ve been putting others through.

Theodore was forcing his religion into work communications for years and nobody batted an eye, but one Muslim greeting and suddenly there’s a policy change? At least now everyone has clear guidelines. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about this.

Another User Comments: Everyone sucks here.

Theodore shouldn’t have been sending religious messages in work emails, your boss should have addressed this properly when you first brought it up, and you could have handled it without the passive-aggressive sign-off. That said, I understand why you did it after being ignored for so long.

The new policy is actually good for everyone – work should be a neutral ground where all religions (or lack thereof) are respected equally. Theodore’s text to you was completely unprofessional and shows his true colors.

Another User Comments: NTJ.

As someone who works in HR, I can tell you that what Theodore was doing could actually create liability for the company. Religious expression at work that makes others uncomfortable can constitute harassment. Your company should have addressed this the first time you brought it up.

Your response was measured and made your point perfectly – you didn’t attack his beliefs, you simply demonstrated the double standard. The new policy protects everyone and creates a more professional environment. Theodore’s angry text proves he was more interested in imposing his views than truly sharing ‘blessings.’

I’m currently on maternity leave after having my daughter six weeks ago. The pregnancy was rough, and the delivery was even rougher (don’t get me started on the 36-hour labor).

My husband Thomas has been amazing, but I can see the financial stress building up since we’re down to one income.

I’ve always loved thrifting. It’s been my weekend hobby for years, and I have a pretty good eye for valuable stuff hiding among the junk.

I usually just thrift for fun, picking up things for our home or gifts for friends. But last week, I spotted this vintage plush bear that looked familiar. I bought it for $3, did some research, and realized it was a collectible from the 90s.

I listed it online and sold it for $65!

The money helped us buy diapers and some groceries, which felt great. So I went back yesterday and found a set of vintage glassware ($4) that could probably sell for around $40, and an old video game ($2) that’s actually worth about $30 online.

But now I’m feeling weird about it.

The thrift store is supposed to be for people who need affordable stuff, not for people to make a profit. Am I taking items away from families who might need them more? The store I go to always has tons of inventory, and honestly, most people wouldn’t recognize the value of these specific items anyway.

My friend Julia says I should stop feeling guilty since thrift stores get their inventory through donations, and they price things how they want.

They’re making their money, and I’m just using my knowledge to make a little extra during a tough time. I’m going back to my job in a couple months anyway, so this is just temporary.

So, AITJ for reselling thrift store finds while I’m home with my newborn?

I’m making maybe $100-150 extra a week, which helps us a lot right now, but I can’t shake this feeling that it’s somehow wrong.

Another User Comments: NTJ. Thrift stores price things based on what they think the item is worth.

If you happen to know more about certain items, that’s just using your knowledge to your advantage. It’s not like you’re buying up essential items that low-income families need. You’re finding niche collectibles that most shoppers wouldn’t even look twice at.

Plus, you’re a new mom trying to contribute during a difficult time. I think what you’re doing is smart, not unethical. The items would probably sit on the shelf for months if you didn’t buy them anyway.

Another User Comments: YTJ, sorry.

Thrift stores are meant to provide affordable goods to people who can’t afford retail prices. When resellers go in and buy things just to mark them up online, it defeats the whole purpose. Even if you’re only taking “collectibles,” you’re still contributing to a system that makes thrifting less accessible.

I understand you’re in a tough spot financially, but there are other ways to make money from home that don’t potentially take opportunities away from people with lower incomes.

Another User Comments: NTJ! I used to volunteer at a thrift store, and we were happy when items sold, regardless of who bought them or why.

The money goes to charity either way. Plus, most thrift stores are DROWNING in donations – there’s no shortage of stuff. You’re talking about a few items a week that most people wouldn’t recognize the value of anyway.

You’re a new mom using your knowledge to help your family during a temporary financial crunch. That’s just being resourceful, not selfish.

Another User Comments: Soft YTJ. I think there’s a difference between occasionally finding something valuable and systematically hunting for underpriced items to flip.

If you’re just doing this temporarily and in small amounts, it’s probably fine. But be honest with yourself – if you start getting greedy and spending hours hunting for profit, you’re crossing into territory that feels exploitative of a system designed to help people in need.

Maybe limit yourself to one or two items per week to ease your conscience?

Another User Comments: NTJ, and here’s why – reselling is actually good for the thrifting ecosystem. You’re identifying items with specific value to niche collectors, and connecting those items with people who actually want them.

Those items might sit unappreciated or eventually get thrown away otherwise. Plus, thrift stores get MORE donations than they can handle. They’re not running out of inventory because of people like you. As long as you’re not clearing out basic necessities like children’s clothes or household essentials, you’re fine.

I never imagined my attempts to connect with my best friend Priya would blow up in my face like this. We’ve been inseparable since college, and last month, we got super excited about starting a small online business together selling custom phone cases.

I was genuinely thrilled–Priya has amazing design skills, and I’m good with people and marketing.

To show her how committed I was, I decided to learn some basic accounting so we could track our finances properly.

Priya had mentioned she was good with numbers from her previous job, but I thought if I could help with that part too, it would take some pressure off her.

So I spent two weeks watching tutorials and practicing with spreadsheets.

I was really proud of myself! I created this whole business expense tracker with formulas and everything. When we met for coffee yesterday, I couldn’t wait to show her.

“Look what I’ve been working on for our business!” I said, sliding my laptop across the table.

The moment Priya saw the spreadsheets, her expression changed.

“Why are you messing with the financial stuff? That was going to be my contribution.”

“I just wanted to help,” I explained. “I thought you’d be happy I was learning something new for us.”

“Grace, you always do this,” she said, her voice getting louder.

“Remember when I started rock climbing last year? You immediately signed up for lessons. And before that, when I got into pottery? Suddenly you were sending me pictures of your clay mugs.”

I was stunned. In my mind, I had been sharing her interests, not stealing them.

I wasn’t trying to compete–I was trying to connect. I’ve always admired Priya’s ability to discover cool hobbies, and joining in was my way of bonding with her.

“I’m not trying to take over your role,” I said quietly.

“I just wanted to contribute.”

“Well, it feels like you’re constantly copying me,” Priya snapped. “Can’t you find your own things to be good at?”

That comment hurt more than I wanted to admit.

We barely spoke for the rest of our coffee, and now she’s not returning my texts. Our business plans are on hold, obviously.

I thought I was being supportive by taking an interest in her passions, but maybe I crossed some boundary I didn’t understand.

Should I have just stuck to my lane? AITJ for learning skills my friend considers “her thing”?

Another User Comments: NTJ. Your friend seems incredibly insecure. There’s a difference between copying someone’s personality and sharing interests with a friend.

Learning accounting skills for a JOINT business is completely reasonable! What were you supposed to do, sit back and let her handle everything while you contributed nothing? That’s not a partnership. Priya needs to grow up and realize that friendship isn’t about having exclusive rights to certain activities or skills.

This controlling behavior is a red flag, and you might want to reconsider the business partnership altogether.

Another User Comments: Soft YTJ, actually. While your intentions were good, it sounds like this is a pattern that bothers Priya and you knew it.

Some people take great pride in being “the one who does X” in a friendship. My best friend is the cook in our relationship–if I suddenly started making elaborate meals, she’d feel like I was encroaching on her territory too.

Next time, maybe ask first: “Would it help if I learned some accounting basics?” Communication could have prevented this whole mess.

Another User Comments: NTJ but you two need to have a serious conversation about expectations and boundaries.

Starting a business with friends is HARD, and if you can’t even navigate this minor issue, you’re headed for disaster. The problem isn’t you learning Excel–it’s that you both have different ideas about roles and contributions.

Write down who’s responsible for what areas of the business before going any further. And maybe suggest that you BOTH learn new skills together instead of separately.

Another User Comments: Everyone sucks here. You’re not wrong for wanting to learn new skills, but it sounds like you have a habit of jumping into whatever Priya gets interested in, which would honestly get annoying after a while.

It’s like when someone can’t let their friend have their own thing. On the flip side, Priya’s reaction was over the top. You’re adults starting a BUSINESS together–it’s not elementary school where you call dibs on being the line leader.

You both need to grow up.

Another User Comments: NTJ. I’m confused about how a business partnership is supposed to work if one person isn’t allowed to understand the finances? That’s a recipe for disaster!

My husband and I run a small business, and even though he handles the accounting, I made sure to learn the basics so I wasn’t completely in the dark. Priya’s reaction suggests she either has serious insecurity issues or she’s planning something shady with the money.

Either way, consider this a blessing–you found out you’re incompatible as business partners before investing too much time and money.

I’ve been gaming with Grayson for almost 13 years now. We met in an online multiplayer game when I was just 15, and we instantly clicked.

Throughout the years, we’ve drifted in and out of each other’s lives, but somehow always found our way back to gaming together.

I’m now 28 with a 6-year-old son, Alejandro. Three years ago, Grayson and I admitted we had feelings for each other.

He even suggested that Alejandro and I could move to his city and we could try living together. He was always so good with Alejandro during our video calls, and my son absolutely adored him.

But life got complicated. I had to focus on my job and raising Alejandro as a single mom.

Grayson was chasing his dream of becoming a game developer. We kept in touch, but the timing never seemed right to take that leap.

Last weekend, I made a huge mistake. After putting Alejandro to bed, I opened a bottle of wine and had way too much to drink.

I ended up messaging Grayson something emotional and embarrassing (I deleted it immediately the next morning, so I’m not entirely sure what I said).

The next day, he called me. We talked for hours. He told me he’d finally landed that developer job he’d been working toward for years.

I wasn’t surprised – I always knew he would make it. Even when he faced setbacks that would make most people quit, he kept pushing forward. That determination is just one of the many things I’ve always admired about him.

Then came the bomb: he mentioned he’s been seeing someone.

They’re “not official yet,” in his words, but they’ve been dating for a few months. My heart sank.

I’ve tried meeting up with him in person several times over the years, but something always came up.

Either my childcare fell through, or his work schedule changed. It just never worked out.

I can’t shake these feelings. Thirteen years is a long time to carry a torch for someone, and I’m wondering if I should just lay it all out there.

Tell him exactly how I feel before it’s too late.

He once told me he felt the same way, but that was years ago. People change, feelings change. I think I could handle rejection if that’s what happens, but I don’t want to wonder “what if” for the rest of my life.

Am I wrong for wanting to tell him how I feel, knowing he’s starting something with someone else?

Another User Comments: Girl, take the leap!

I was in a similar situation years ago and regretted not speaking up when I had the chance. If he’s not “official” with this other person, you’re not doing anything wrong by being honest about your feelings.

Thirteen years is a long time, and there’s clearly something special between you two if you’ve stayed in each other’s lives this long. The worst that can happen is he says no, and you finally get closure.

The best that can happen? Everything you’ve been dreaming of for years.

Another User Comments: I’m going to go against the grain here and say maybe pump the brakes a little. He’s dating someone else right now, even if it’s not “official.” How would you feel if someone did this to you while you were getting to know someone new?

Also, there’s a reason you two haven’t made it work in 13 YEARS despite having feelings for each other. Long-distance relationships are hard enough without adding a child to the mix. I’m not saying don’t ever tell him, but maybe wait until his current situation resolves one way or another.

Another User Comments: NTJ for having feelings, but the timing is questionable.

Consider this from all angles – including your son’s perspective. Alejandro already knows Grayson from video calls, right? How would he feel if suddenly Grayson became a bigger part of your lives? Or worse, if you confess your feelings, things get awkward, and Grayson disappears from both your lives?

Kids get attached easily. Whatever you decide, make sure you’re thinking about how it affects everyone involved, not just your heart.

Another User Comments: You’ve carried these feelings for 13 years. That’s not just a crush – that’s something deeper.

The fact that he offered to have you and your son move in with him shows he had serious intentions too. People who are meant to be together often find their way back to each other, even with bad timing and obstacles.

I say tell him, but be prepared for any response. And be completely honest about what you want – a real relationship, not just more years of virtual connection.

Another User Comments: YTJ if you do this while he’s dating someone else.

It’s not fair to put him in that position. Why didn’t you make a move during all those times when you were both single? There’s a pattern of missed opportunities here that makes me think maybe subconsciously you’re more comfortable with the idea of him than the reality.

The fantasy is safe because it never has to face real-world challenges. If your feelings are genuine, they’ll still be there if his current relationship doesn’t work out.

I’m 22 and temporarily living with my parents while I switch universities. They’ve been on my case about learning to drive since I was 16, but it’s gotten way worse lately.

For context, I have autism and ADHD, which makes driving incredibly overwhelming for me.

My job is only 15 minutes away, and my parents take turns driving me. They complain constantly about it, even though I’ve offered to take the bus and pay for it myself.

Every time I suggest this solution, they shut it down saying “that’s not necessary” but then keep complaining about driving me.

Last month, they basically forced me into driving lessons, saying I needed to get my permit and then my license within a couple months.

Since I’m living under their roof, I felt trapped and agreed. But after my first lesson? Complete disaster. I was so overwhelmed I broke down crying when I got home.

Instead of showing any understanding, my parents went off on me.

“You’re being so dramatic, Mackenzie,” my mom said. My dad, Carter, added, “You need to grow up. Everyone learns to drive.”

I snapped back that they were being jerks for forcing this on me when they know how hard it is with my neurodivergence.

The conversation ended with me storming out and staying at my friend Natalia’s place for the night.

It’s been about five weeks now of twice-weekly lessons. The instructor is nice enough, but I’m objectively terrible at driving.

I go super slow, can barely manage turns, and freak out at four-way stops. After every lesson, I hide in my room and cry from the stress. My parents act like I’m making progress, but I’m not.

Yesterday, I finally told them I want to stop the lessons.

I explained that I’ve given it a genuine try, but it’s causing me serious anxiety and isn’t getting better. They’re furious, saying I’m “giving up” and “being childish” and that they’re not going to “chauffeur me around forever.”

I offered again to take public transportation or even pay for ride services when needed.

They’re still refusing to listen. I’m at my wit’s end and considering moving in with Natalia earlier than planned just to escape this pressure.

AITJ for refusing to continue with these driving lessons when they’re causing me so much distress?

Another User Comments: NTJ.

Your parents need to understand that driving isn’t mandatory for everyone. Many people with autism and ADHD find driving overwhelming due to sensory processing issues and difficulty with divided attention. The fact that you’ve tried for over a month shows commitment.

Your parents should respect your boundaries and work with you to find alternative transportation solutions. Their refusal to let you take public transit makes no logical sense – they complain about driving you but won’t let you solve the problem yourself?

Seems like they care more about what looks “normal” than your actual wellbeing.

Another User Comments: Soft YTJ. While I understand your struggles with autism and ADHD (my brother has similar challenges), driving is an important life skill.

Your parents are thinking long-term about your independence. However, they’re approaching it all wrong with the pressure and dismissing your genuine distress. Maybe discuss a compromise – continue lessons but at a much slower pace, with a specialized instructor experienced with neurodivergent students.

There are driving schools specifically for people with anxiety and processing differences. The current approach isn’t working, but abandoning driving completely might not be the answer either.

Another User Comments: NTJ! I didn’t learn to drive until I was 27 because of severe anxiety.

Now I drive everywhere, but I needed to do it on MY timeline. Your parents forcing this issue is counterproductive. The more pressure they put on you, the worse your anxiety gets, and the harder driving becomes. It’s a negative cycle.

Maybe show them research about neurodivergence and driving anxiety? Also, many people live perfectly independent lives without driving, especially in areas with good public transportation. Your parents’ insistence that you MUST drive seems outdated and inflexible.

Another User Comments: NTJ but this isn’t just about driving.

This is about your parents not respecting your autonomy as an adult. You’re 22, not 16. Even if you live with them temporarily, they shouldn’t be dictating major life decisions like this. Their behavior – forcing you into lessons, dismissing your feelings, refusing your solutions – shows they still see you as a child they can control.

Maybe the real conversation needs to be about them treating you like an adult capable of making your own choices, even if those choices differ from what they would choose for you.

Another User Comments: Everyone’s kinda messing up here.

Your parents shouldn’t force driving on you when it causes such distress, but I get their frustration with constantly driving you around. The weird part is them refusing your public transportation offer – that makes no sense! Have you considered getting evaluated specifically for driving anxiety?

There are therapies that can help. Also, automatic cars are way easier than manual if that’s an issue. Regardless, at 22, you should have final say over whether you drive. Maybe start taking the bus anyway despite their objections?

Sometimes demonstrating independence is better than asking for permission.

I still can’t believe Maya and I had our biggest fight over a wet comforter. We’d been living together for about eight months, and things were going pretty great until last Tuesday.

Maya had the day from hell.

Her car died on the highway, and she sat baking in the sun for three hours waiting for roadside assistance. When she finally made it home, she tried washing our bedroom comforter, but our ancient washing machine overflowed, flooding the bathroom.

By the time I got home from my engineering classes, she looked completely defeated as she told me everything.

“Is there anything I can do?” I asked, genuinely wanting to help.

“Just need some alone time, Logan,” she sighed, collapsing on the couch with her phone.

I figured I’d give her space and go for my evening run.

I’ve been trying to replace my substance habit with exercise, and Maya had been super supportive about it. But man, it was crazy hot that day–like 95 degrees. When I got back, I was absolutely drenched and desperate for a shower.

When I opened the bathroom door, I found our king-sized comforter soaking in the bathtub, clearly from Maya’s washing machine disaster.

I couldn’t just jump in without soaking it more, and I knew she’d already had such a rough day. I decided I’d handle it myself, but needed to know one thing first.

I went to the living room where Maya was still scrolling through her phone, looking stressed.

“Hey, I saw the comforter in the tub.

Since I’m super sweaty from my run, I’ll take care of it so you don’t have to worry about it. Just need to know–is it still soapy or just wet at this point?”

She looked up, clearly annoyed.

“I really don’t want to think about that right now.”

“I totally get that,” I said. “I’m just trying to figure out if I need to rinse it more or just wring it out.

I’m dripping sweat here and need to clean up.”

She mumbled something super fast and unclear. I honestly couldn’t make out a single word.

“Sorry, what was that? I didn’t catch it,” I said.

That’s when she completely lost it.

“For God’s sake, Logan!

I ALREADY ANSWERED YOU! Why can’t you just leave me alone for five minutes? You’re being completely insensitive after everything I’ve been through today!”

I was completely blindsided. All I’d asked was one simple question while trying to help her.

I wasn’t asking her to get up or do anything–literally just wanted a one-word answer so I could solve the problem for both of us. Instead, I got screamed at like I’d done something terrible.

I ended up just leaving the comforter there, taking the quickest shower possible, and spending the night on the couch.

We’ve patched things up since then, but I still wonder if I missed something major. Was I being inconsiderate by asking about the comforter when she was stressed, or was she just taking her awful day out on me?

Another User Comments: I think this is a classic case of mismatched communication styles during stress.

Maya was completely overwhelmed and in shutdown mode, while Logan was trying to problem-solve. Neither approach is wrong, but they clashed at the worst moment. Next time, Logan, maybe just make an executive decision about the comforter instead of asking questions when she’s clearly at her limit.

Sometimes being helpful means figuring things out yourself, even if it means potentially doing it wrong. She wasn’t mad about the comforter–she was mad about having to make one more decision on a horrible day.

Another User Comments: NTJ, not even close.

You were being super considerate and she blew up over nothing. Everyone has bad days but that doesn’t give anyone the right to snap at someone who’s actively trying to help. You weren’t demanding she fix it–you were offering to fix it yourself and just needed a simple answer.

If she couldn’t even handle that basic level of communication, she should have just said “I don’t know” instead of mumbling and then exploding. That’s some serious red flag behavior if you ask me.

Another User Comments: I’m going against the grain with a soft YTJ.

When someone is having a meltdown day and says they need space, that means they need SPACE. Not “space except for this one quick question about laundry.” You could’ve made an executive decision about the comforter–either hang it to dry or rinse it more, either would’ve been fine.

Instead, you created another problem for her to solve when her problem-solving tank was empty. Sometimes being supportive means handling things completely on your own, not just mostly on your own.

Another User Comments: NAH (No Jerks Here). This is just what happens when stress meets more stress.

She had a terrible day and was at her breaking point. You were trying to be helpful but were also stressed about being sweaty and needing to shower. Sometimes situations just suck and nobody’s really at fault. What matters is how you communicate about it afterward.

Did you guys talk it through once emotions settled? That’s the important part. These little misunderstandings happen in every relationship–they only become problems if you don’t learn from them.

Another User Comments: I feel for both of you.

Maya had reached her emotional limit after that nightmare day, and you inadvertently pushed her over the edge with what seemed like a simple question. But here’s what I think happened: when you asked about the comforter, it probably felt to her like you were putting one more thing on her plate, even though you were actually trying to take something off it.

When people are overwhelmed, even deciding between “soapy” and “just wet” can feel impossible. Next time, maybe just say “I’ll handle the comforter” without asking for input.

My wife Priya and I are expecting our second child in a few months, and we’ve hit a snag over who should be the godparent.

Our first child, now almost 3, has my brother Nathan as his godfather, which was a joint decision Priya and I made together during her first pregnancy.

Now with baby number two on the way, Priya casually brought up my sister Vivian as a potential godparent.

I immediately said no, and Priya seemed surprised by my reaction.

Here’s the thing – Vivian has made it crystal clear to our entire family that she never wants kids. Ever. She’s in her early thirties and hasn’t wavered on this decision since she announced it in college.

Which is completely fine! But she also makes little comments about how she can’t stand being around most children and how they drive her crazy.

She does love our firstborn, I’ll give her that. She’ll play with him for about twenty minutes at family gatherings before handing him back and saying something like “that’s my quota for the month.” It’s always said with a laugh, but I know there’s truth behind it.

Priya thinks I’m overreacting.

She said, “Vivian loves our son in her own way, and besides, it would cause drama if we skip over her for this one.” That’s when I realized Priya wasn’t suggesting Vivian because she thought she’d be a good godparent – she just wanted to avoid family conflict.

I told Priya that picking a godparent just to avoid someone getting upset seems like a terrible reason.

This person would theoretically raise our kids if something happened to us. Shouldn’t we pick someone who actually enjoys being around children?

Priya and I have been going back and forth on this for days. She thinks I’m being unreasonable since Vivian would likely never have to actually take the kids anyway.

I think it’s the principle of the thing. Also, Vivian and I have never been particularly close – we talk at family events but rarely one-on-one.

I suggested my cousin Edward or Priya’s sister Savannah instead, both of whom love kids and are stable, responsible adults.

But Priya keeps coming back to “but Vivian will be hurt, and your mom will be upset, and it’ll be this whole thing at Thanksgiving…”

Am I being stubborn about this? I don’t think godparents should be chosen just to keep the peace.

Another User Comments: I think you’re NTJ here.

Godparents aren’t just ceremonial titles to hand out – they’re people who step in if something tragic happens. Vivian has been honest about not wanting kids, so why would you burden her with yours in a worst-case scenario?

That’s unfair to both her AND your children. It sounds like your wife is more concerned with avoiding conflict than making the best choice for your kids. Stand your ground on this one.

Another User Comments: NAH but you’re overthinking this.

In most families, godparents are just honorary titles these days. Your legal will determines guardianship, not godparent status. That said, I do think it’s weird your wife is pushing for someone who openly dislikes children. Maybe there’s more to their relationship than you realize?

Have you asked Priya why she specifically wants Vivian, beyond avoiding drama?

Another User Comments: YTJ slightly. Your sister loves your first child despite her general feelings about kids – that says something meaningful. Maybe she’d rise to the occasion if needed.

Plus, this is causing unnecessary tension with your wife during her pregnancy. Is this hill really worth dying on? Compromise is key to marriage, especially with kids involved. Maybe make Vivian godmother but specify different guardians in your will?

Another User Comments: NTJ!

I had a “fun aunt” type as my godmother who clearly didn’t want the job, and it SUCKED growing up feeling like an obligation to someone who was supposed to be special in my life. Kids absolutely know when adults don’t want to be around them.

Your sister sounds like she’d be a terrible guardian if the worst happened, and even as a symbolic role, she’d probably make minimal effort. Your wife is creating future drama by avoiding present drama.

Another User Comments: ESH except Vivian.

Has anyone actually ASKED Vivian if she wants to be a godparent? She might be horrified at the suggestion! Your wife shouldn’t volunteer someone for a role they may not want, and you shouldn’t assume your sister would be terrible at it just because she doesn’t want her own kids.

Many child-free people make excellent mentors and guardians when needed. This whole argument might be pointless if Vivian doesn’t even want the responsibility.

I’m at my breaking point with my roommate Hudson. The guy doesn’t have a car, which I totally get – transportation issues suck in our area.

For months, I’ve been giving him rides when I can, and he pays me a little bit for gas, definitely less than a rideshare would cost him.

Here’s the problem: Hudson has turned these “quick rides” into these massive time-sucking events.

Every single time, the pattern’s the same. “Just drop me off,” he says. Then when we arrive: “Actually, can you wait? I’ll only be five minutes.” Those five minutes magically transform into an hour or more while I’m sitting in my car like an idiot.

Whenever I call him out, all I get is a casual “my bad, bro” with zero actual change in behavior.

It’s like he thinks my time is completely worthless.

Yesterday was the final straw. I’d just finished my first job when Hudson called begging for a ride to the mall. I told him I had my second shift starting soon, and he promised it would be quick.

Of course, on the way there, he casually mentions he needs a ride back too. Classic Hudson move.

When we got there, he swore he’d be ten minutes tops. Thirty minutes later, I’m getting anxious about being late for work.

I called and texted multiple times. Either no response or “just five more minutes” or “I’m coming down right now” when he clearly wasn’t.

After more than an hour of this nonsense, I texted that I needed to leave for work.

He kept convincing me to wait “just one more minute” – I was literally driving in circles around the parking lot! Finally, I’d had enough and left.

Yeah, it was raining, and he tried to make me feel guilty about that.

But come on! He made me late for my job! He’s had countless chances to respect my time, and he’s blown every single one.

I haven’t seen him face-to-face since then, but I know he’s expecting an apology from me.

Should I really be the one apologizing here? I’m done being his personal chauffeur if he can’t be honest about how long these “quick stops” actually take.

Another User Comments: Hudson sounds like the kind of person who’s never had consequences for his actions.

You’ve been more than generous with your time, and he’s repeatedly taken advantage of that. Leaving him at the mall might seem harsh, but sometimes people need a reality check. You warned him multiple times, and he still chose to ignore you.

NTJ. Next time he asks for a ride, be clear that you’ll wait exactly 10 minutes, and after that, you’re leaving – rain or shine. He needs to learn to respect other people’s schedules.

Another User Comments: I’m actually going against the grain here and saying YTJ, but only slightly.

Yes, Hudson was being inconsiderate, but you knew his pattern and still agreed to drive him. You could’ve established clearer boundaries from the start like “I can only wait 15 minutes max because of work.” Also, leaving someone stranded in the rain is pretty rough.

Maybe a better approach would have been to tell him that this is the last time you’re doing this, and in the future, he needs to find another way home if he can’t respect your time constraints.

Another User Comments: NTJ!

I had a similar situation with my former roommate Vanessa. She would always ask for “quick” rides that turned into hours-long ordeals. The only thing that finally worked was exactly what you did – leaving her to find her own way home when she couldn’t respect my time.

Was it uncomfortable? Yes. Did she learn her lesson? Also yes. Hudson is a grown man who can call a rideshare if he takes too long. Actions have consequences, and you’re not a doormat.

Another User Comments: I’m curious about Hudson’s side of the story.

Maybe he genuinely doesn’t realize how inconsiderate he’s being? Some people are just terrible at estimating time. That said, NTJ for setting boundaries. Perhaps suggest that if he needs more time, he should plan to get a rideshare back.

That way, you’re still helping him out one-way, but you’re not trapped waiting for him. The friendship might be salvageable with better communication and clearer expectations.

Another User Comments: Everyone’s focusing on the ride issue, but I’m stuck on the fact that Hudson made you late for your JOB.

That crosses a major line. You’re working two jobs while he can’t even respect your work schedule. Absolutely NTJ. His transportation problems aren’t your responsibility, especially when it starts impacting your livelihood. He owes you a major apology, not the other way around.

I’d recommend not giving him any more rides unless he agrees to a strict time limit with consequences.

Halloween has always been a big deal in my family. Growing up, my dad and I had all these traditions — decorating the house with fake cobwebs, carving the weirdest pumpkin faces we could think of, and watching classic horror flicks with popcorn.

Some of my best childhood memories involve us staying up way too late watching ‘The Shining’ when mom thought I was asleep.

When I started dating Eva two years ago, I was psyched to find out she loved Halloween too.

We quickly developed our own traditions — hitting up local haunted houses, binging scary movies, and making these insane pumpkin creations that would take hours. Last year, we even won a local contest with our ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ themed pumpkins.

This year’s been rough though.

My dad passed away in March after fighting cancer, and Halloween was coming up — the first without him. I told Eva I really wanted to make this one count, as a way to honor him and keep our traditions going.

She seemed super supportive and helped me plan a whole month of activities.

We had it all mapped out: a horror movie marathon at home, tickets to this elaborate scare maze an hour away, a special screening of ‘The Exorcist’ at an old theater downtown, a day trip to this pumpkin farm my dad used to take me to, and a costume party with friends.

But then, one by one, Eva started canceling.

First, it was the pumpkin farm — she texted me an hour before we were supposed to leave saying she was feeling too low to go. I was disappointed but tried to be understanding. Then she bailed on the scare maze the morning of, again saying she just wasn’t up for it mentally.

The movie screening? Same thing, canceled while I was literally getting dressed to go.

Last night was supposed to be our final Halloween event — the costume party we’d spent weeks planning outfits for. I had just finished putting on my zombie makeup when Eva walked in and said, “I don’t think I can do this tonight.

I’m just not in the headspace.”

I lost it. “Are you serious right now? You’ve canceled literally everything we planned for this month. You know how much this meant to me with dad gone.”

She got defensive immediately.

“I can’t help feeling low sometimes. You shouldn’t try to make me feel bad about taking care of my mental health.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” I fired back.

“But if you feel guilty, maybe ask yourself why. This was important to me, and you committed to these plans knowing that.”

“You’re totally guilt-tripping me,” she insisted.

“This relationship is supposed to be about both of us,” I said.

“But every time something matters to me, you bail last minute using your mental health as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Maybe think about me for once and stick to what you agreed to.”

She stormed out, saying I was being completely insensitive.

Now she’s staying at her sister’s place and says I need to apologize before we can move forward. But honestly, I don’t think I did anything wrong. This Halloween meant everything to me after losing dad, and she knew that.

AITJ for expecting her to follow through and getting upset when she didn’t?

Another User Comments: NTJ.

Your girlfriend knew how important this Halloween was to you because of your dad passing. While mental health is definitely important, the pattern of canceling EVERYTHING last minute feels suspicious. One or two events? Understandable. But literally every single plan?

That crosses a line from self-care into something else. You weren’t asking her to ignore her mental health, you were asking for the basic respect of keeping commitments that had emotional significance for you during a time of grief.

Another User Comments: YTJ.

As someone who struggles with depression, sometimes you just can’t predict when you’ll have a bad mental health day. She’s not canceling to hurt you, she’s canceling because she genuinely can’t handle it.

Mental health isn’t an “excuse” – it’s a legitimate reason. You’re grieving your father, which is completely understandable, but you’re taking out your frustration on her instead of finding compromise.

Maybe smaller, low-key activities would have been better than big events that require a lot of emotional energy.

Another User Comments: NTJ, but you both need better communication. Your girlfriend canceling everything does seem suspicious, especially since it was all last-minute.

But instead of blowing up, you should have had a calm conversation after the first or second cancellation. Ask if there’s something else going on. Maybe she’s overwhelmed by how important these events are to you and feels pressure to perform the “perfect Halloween” when you’re grieving.

Or maybe she’s just being inconsiderate. Either way, the conversation needed to happen sooner.

Another User Comments: NTJ. When you’re in a relationship, sometimes you do things because they’re important to your partner, even when you’re not feeling 100%.

If she was genuinely struggling that badly with her mental health for an entire month, she should be seeking professional help, not just canceling plans. I think what hurts the most is that she waited until the last minute each time, which shows a lack of consideration for your time and feelings.

Your reaction was justified after the pattern became clear.

Another User Comments: ESH. Your girlfriend should have been more considerate of your grief and the special significance of Halloween this year. Canceling everything last-minute was insensitive. However, your comment about her using mental health as an “excuse” was out of line.

Mental health struggles are real and unpredictable. You both need to work on empathy – you for her mental health challenges, and her for your grief process. Maybe try scheduling one small, low-pressure Halloween activity and see if that works better for both of you.

I never expected to be at this crossroads in my life, but here I am. My sister Claire has this amazing one-year-old cattle dog mix named Scout who she’s trying to rehome.

She got him on impulse last year and now barely walks him, leaves him alone for 12+ hours, and honestly just treats him like furniture instead of a living creature.

I’m currently in my junior year of college, living in a pet-friendly apartment near campus.

My mental health hasn’t been great lately – dealing with anxiety, some rough depressive episodes, the whole mess. When Claire mentioned finding Scout a new home, something clicked. I’ve always connected with dogs, and the thought of giving Scout a better life while having a companion to help with my mental health seemed perfect.

My parents are super supportive and offered to cover all of Scout’s expenses – food, vet bills, everything.

My class schedule this semester is actually pretty flexible, so I’d have plenty of time for walks and training. It seemed like the perfect solution for everyone involved.

Except for Anita, my girlfriend of almost four years.

Here’s where it gets complicated.

When Anita was 15, she was attacked by her neighbor’s German Shepherd. The dog wasn’t properly trained and bit her arm badly enough to need stitches. Since then, she’s been terrified of medium to large dogs.

She can handle small dogs like Chihuahuas after getting to know them, but anything bigger sends her into panic mode.

When I brought up adopting Scout, Anita immediately shut it down. I suggested we meet Scout together, maybe work with a trainer who specializes in helping people overcome dog phobias, but she refused.

Yesterday, she made it crystal clear: “If you adopt that dog, we’re done.”

This feels so unfair. We’ve been together since high school, through all kinds of ups and downs. She’s been my rock during my worst mental health moments.

But at the same time, I can’t help but think this is an opportunity to give Scout a loving home while also helping myself.

I tried explaining how important this is to me, but she won’t budge.

She says I’m choosing “some dog” over our relationship. Am I being selfish for wanting to adopt Scout despite knowing how Anita feels? Or is she being unreasonable by not even trying to work through this?

Scout needs a home now, and I feel torn between helping this innocent dog and keeping my relationship intact.

Another User Comments: I understand both sides here. Your girlfriend’s fear is real and valid – trauma doesn’t just disappear because it’s inconvenient.

But at the same time, mental health support is crucial, and if this dog could genuinely help you, that matters too. What bothers me is her unwillingness to even try working with a professional on her fear. In a long-term relationship, partners should at least attempt to work through issues together.

If she’s not willing to take even that first step, maybe it says something about your relationship’s foundation. Not saying she should force herself into panic attacks, but a blanket ultimatum without exploring options feels a bit rigid.

Another User Comments: Sorry, but YTJ if you go through with this.

You’ve known about her trauma for years, and now you’re considering bringing her worst fear into your shared life? That’s not how you treat someone you love. Her fear isn’t a preference or a dislike – it’s a legitimate phobia from a traumatic experience.

If your mental health needs support, there are many other options to explore before jumping to something that would cause your girlfriend genuine distress. The fact that you’re even considering this makes me think you two might not be compatible in the long run if your priorities are this misaligned.

Another User Comments: NTJ but this is a no-win situation.

Sometimes life presents us with incompatible needs, and that’s nobody’s fault. Your girlfriend can’t help her fear, and you can’t help that this dog could benefit your mental health. The real question isn’t who’s right or wrong – it’s whether your relationship can withstand this fundamental incompatibility.

If you adopt Scout, you’ll lose Anita. If you don’t, you might resent her for preventing something that could help you. Maybe this is one of those painful moments where you both need to recognize you’re on different paths, despite loving each other.

Another User Comments: Have you considered that this might be about more than just the dog?

Four years is a long time, especially when it started in high school. Sometimes we outgrow relationships but don’t recognize it until a specific issue brings the underlying incompatibilities to light. The fact that she’s unwilling to even try meeting Scout or working with a therapist could indicate she’s feeling the relationship strain too.

This dog situation might just be the catalyst revealing deeper issues. Either way, ultimatums rarely lead to healthy relationship outcomes, regardless of who gives them or why.

Another User Comments: I’ve been in your girlfriend’s position – terrified of dogs after a childhood incident.

My partner desperately wanted one, and I was convinced our relationship would end. Instead, we found a trainer who specialized in phobias. It took six months of gradual exposure therapy, but now we have a dog I actually love. If Anita isn’t willing to even try, that’s concerning.

Her trauma is valid, but refusing to work on it while issuing relationship-ending ultimatums isn’t healthy. This isn’t about choosing between a dog and your girlfriend – it’s about whether you’re both willing to grow and compromise for each other’s needs.

I’m at my wit’s end with my daughter Maya who turns 16 next month. We had plans for this awesome birthday bash at her favorite restaurant with all her friends, but I’m seriously thinking about canceling the whole thing or just doing a small dinner instead.

Here’s what’s been going on.

Maya splits time between me and her dad, Logan. Our separation wasn’t great – he had some serious anger issues that made me and my family keep our distance. Despite court orders saying Maya should have her location sharing turned off when visiting my family (for their privacy and safety), I discovered she’s been keeping it on secretly so Logan always knows where she is.

When I confronted Maya, she rolled her eyes and said I was being dramatic and my family needed to “shut up” about worrying over nothing. It’s like she comes back from Logan’s house with this completely different attitude – defiant, rude, and thinking the world owes her something.

The kicker? Logan contributes zero financially. ZERO. When we asked him to split the cost of Maya’s driver’s license, he flat-out refused. Maya’s response? “Well, just pay for it & who cares.” Like money grows on trees!

We’ve been trying to help her find a job, but she only looks for places near Logan’s house (45 minutes away from us), then expects us to be her personal chauffeurs. When I explained we couldn’t drive that far twice a day, she threw a fit.

Last week, she actually had the nerve to throw away the debit card we gave her because Logan set up a new account. Now she’s demanding we transfer all her lunch and spending money to this new account instead.

I asked Logan to chip in for the birthday party expenses, and he told Maya “that’s your mom’s responsibility.” When I texted him about planning, crickets. No response.

I want Maya to have a special 16th birthday, but I’m struggling to justify spending hundreds of dollars on a party when she’s being so disrespectful to me and my husband Nathaniel. We’ve tried talking to her, but it’s like everything we say goes in one ear and out the other.

Am I being petty for wanting to scale back or cancel her party? Or is this a necessary life lesson about respect and consequences?

Another User Comments: I don’t think you’re the jerk here. ... Click here to continue reading