People Aren't Sure If They Should Let Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations Go

So I’ve got this coworker, Vanessa, who’s been having car troubles recently. Her transmission is shot, and she needs to get it fixed but hasn’t had the time or money to tow it to a shop.

She’s a single mom with three kids, so I get that things are tight.

On Monday, she caught me in the break room and asked if I could pick her up Tuesday morning since she lives like 2 miles from my place.

I said sure, thinking it was just a one-time favor to help out a colleague in need. Tuesday comes, I pick her up, no problem. That evening, she texts asking for a ride Wednesday too. I figured, okay, maybe she needs one more day to sort things out.

Wednesday morning, I arrive at her place, we go to work, all good.

Then Thursday – radio silence. No text the night before, nothing. I assumed she’d found another solution and went about my morning routine as normal.

Then at 8:40 AM (I usually pick her up at 8:25), my phone rings. It’s Vanessa asking where I am because she’s waiting outside and going to be late.

She says she ‘forgot’ to text me the night before but just assumed I’d be there anyway.

I apologized and told her I was already at work, but inside I was annoyed. Not once has she offered gas money or even a coffee as thanks.

The detour adds about 15 minutes to my commute each way, and now she’s acting like I’m her designated driver.

I found out later she’s got Miles and Paige taking her home on alternating days because ‘ride services are too expensive.’ This morning, my boss Hudson (who absolutely adores Vanessa) made a comment about ‘team players helping each other out.’

I want to tell her I can’t be her free taxi service indefinitely, but I’m worried about creating workplace tension, especially since management clearly favors her.

How do I set boundaries without coming across as unhelpful?

Another User Comments: NTJ at all. You’re being taken advantage of, plain and simple. The fact that she just assumed you’d show up without confirming shows she’s already thinking of you as her personal driver, not someone doing her a favor.

And Hudson’s comment about “team players” is complete nonsense. Being a team player doesn’t mean being someone’s unpaid chauffeur. I’d suggest telling her you need advance notice and can only do it X days per week.

Also, she should absolutely be contributing gas money. Her car problems aren’t your responsibility.

Another User Comments: Soft YTJ. I understand your frustration, but she’s a single mom struggling with car issues. Maybe instead of cutting her off completely, you could establish some ground rules?

Ask her to text you the night before EVERY time, and maybe suggest carpooling costs. She probably doesn’t realize she’s being inconsiderate – some people are just oblivious that way. A simple conversation could solve this without burning bridges.

Remember, you might need a favor from her or Hudson someday, and workplace relationships matter.

Another User Comments: NTJ. I’ve been in this exact situation before. Start setting boundaries now before it gets worse! My coworker’s “temporary” situation lasted THREE MONTHS.

By the end, he was asking me to stop for coffee on the way in and wait while he ran errands after work. No gas money ever offered. What worked for me was saying “I can help on Mondays and Wednesdays only” and sticking to it.

That forced him to find alternatives for other days. Don’t let your kindness be mistaken for weakness.

Another User Comments: NTJ, but you need to communicate clearly. She can’t read your mind. From her perspective, you seemed fine with it twice, so why not continue?

Just tell her something like, “I’m happy to help out occasionally, but I can’t commit to daily rides. Could we set up a schedule that works for both of us?” Also, while you said you wouldn’t take gas money, it’s the principle of her offering that matters.

A decent person acknowledges the favor somehow, even if it’s just bringing you coffee.

Another User Comments: ESH. Vanessa is definitely taking advantage, and that’s not cool. But you’re creating this problem by not speaking up.

She’s not a mind reader! You’ve been accommodating so far, so of course she thinks it’s fine to keep asking. Just be direct: “Vanessa, I can help out in emergencies, but I can’t be your regular ride.

I need my morning routine back.” If you’re worried about Hudson’s reaction, just frame it around your schedule, not unwillingness to help. Also, maybe suggest carpooling with those other coworkers who take her home instead.

I’ve been at my accounting firm for three years now, and I’m still getting used to the office politics. I work in accounts payable, which puts me several rungs below the executive team, including Omar, who runs our marketing department.

Last Friday, the company hosted this fancy dinner at an upscale restaurant downtown.

Everyone brought their families, and I was seated at a table with Omar, his wife Fatima, and their two adult children. His son Daniel is about 24, and throughout the entire dinner, I couldn’t help but notice how unusually close they seemed.

Daniel kept reaching over to straighten Omar’s tie, they were constantly showing each other stuff on their phones and laughing at jokes nobody else understood.

They ordered the exact same meal, and at one point, Daniel even fed Omar a bite of his dessert. They also took at least ten selfies together, with Daniel’s arm draped around his dad’s shoulder. His wife and daughter barely got a word in edgewise.

The weirdest part was when Daniel started talking about his new promotion and Omar literally got teary-eyed, pulled him into this tight hug, and kept saying, “That’s my boy, that’s my special boy.” Daniel beamed like he’d won the lottery and kept his arm linked with his dad’s for the next twenty minutes.

He also had no problem downing several glasses of booze with his dad encouraging him to “live it up.”

Afterward, I was outside with George and Ella from accounting, and I made what I thought was an obvious joke: “Wonder if Omar tucks Daniel in at night with bedtime stories too?” When they both looked uncomfortable, I added, “Come on, you have to admit that was weird.

They’re like weirdly obsessed with each other.”

Well, apparently my “joke” has made its way around the office. Yesterday, my supervisor Vivian pulled me aside and told me that I was spreading “inappropriate and malicious gossip” about an executive.

She said that different families have different dynamics, and what I interpreted as strange was just a father and son with a close relationship.

Now I’m worried this will get back to Omar. He’s really well-liked in the company, and if he hears what I said, my career here could be toast.

I honestly wasn’t trying to imply anything truly inappropriate–I just thought their behavior was over-the-top and made an offhand comment about it.

AITJ for making this joke? Was it really that bad?

Another User Comments: NTJ.

I get what you were going for with the joke. But I think it missed the mark because you’re looking at male bonding through a weird lens. My dad and I are super close–we hug, we’re affectionate, we even share dessert sometimes!

Some families are just more demonstrative than others. The issue isn’t that you thought it was unusual (we all notice different family dynamics), but that you turned it into something inappropriate. In the future, maybe keep those observations to yourself or just say “wow, they seem really close” instead of implying something creepy.

Another User Comments: YTJ without a doubt.

You made a suggestive joke about a colleague and his SON? In what world is that appropriate workplace behavior? If I were your supervisor, I’d be considering whether this constitutes creating a hostile work environment. Not only was it unprofessional, but it shows really poor judgment.

Different cultures and families have different levels of physical affection, and your joke revealing how you interpreted their relationship says more about you than it does about them. Apologize to your coworkers immediately and pray Omar doesn’t find out.

Another User Comments: Soft YTJ.

I think you got caught up in the moment and made a joke in poor taste without thinking about how it would land. We’ve all done it. The real problem is that you said this to coworkers rather than, say, your spouse in private later.

Office gossip has a way of growing legs. Now you’re learning the hard way about work boundaries. I’d suggest apologizing to the people who heard the joke directly, and maybe finding ways to subtly show respect toward Omar in the future.

Don’t mention the joke again–trying to explain or justify it will only keep it alive.

Another User Comments: YTJ for sure. I’m a dad with two sons, and we’re all very affectionate and close.

Nothing brings me more joy than seeing my adult sons succeed and celebrating with them. Your joke wasn’t just in bad taste–it revealed some concerning biases about how men should relate to each other. Men are often criticized for NOT being emotionally available to their children, yet when they are, people like you turn it into something bad.

Do better.

Another User Comments: NTJ, but with a warning. Your joke was tasteless, but I think everyone’s overreacting a bit. The real nonsense here is gossiping about colleagues, period. Office politics are treacherous, and even innocent observations can be weaponized.

What I’m hearing is that you come from a less affectionate family, so this display seemed over-the-top to you. That’s a valid feeling! Just keep those observations for your non-work friends in the future. And maybe use this as a chance to examine your own comfort with displays of affection between family members.

My aunt Nora and I have had a rocky relationship for as long as I can remember. The tension between us started years ago when some of my belongings mysteriously disappeared during family gatherings.

I later found out she had taken them without asking. On top of that, she constantly criticizes my environmental activism and the fact that I have three rescue pets in my apartment.

But the thing that really gets under my skin is how she refuses to use my actual name.

When I was little, everyone called me Abby instead of Abigail. When I started kindergarten at age five, I decided I wanted to be called by my full name. I told my teacher, my classmates, and my family. Everyone respected my choice – except Aunt Nora.

It’s been over twenty years, and she STILL calls me Abby.

I’ve corrected her countless times. My parents have told her repeatedly that I prefer Abigail. She just smirks and says, “You’ll always be little Abby to me,” in that condescending tone that makes me want to scream.

Last Thanksgiving, something in me snapped.

When she greeted me with her usual “Hey Abby, how’s work going?” I smiled sweetly and replied, “It’s great, Nelly! Thanks for asking!” Her name is Nora. Not Nelly.

The look on her face was priceless.

My mom nearly choked on her cranberry sauce trying not to laugh.

Since then, I’ve committed to the bit. Every time she calls me Abby, I call her a different wrong name. I’ve cycled through Nancy, Nina, Natalie, and even Norman once, which really set her off.

Last weekend at my cousin Mary’s birthday party, Aunt Nora cornered me by the snack table.

“Abby, this nonsense has gone on long enough,” she said firmly.

“I completely agree, Nicole,” I replied while grabbing some chips.

She turned bright red and stormed off to complain to my uncle Louis. Later, Mary texted me saying I was being childish and making family gatherings awkward.

Maybe she’s right, but after two decades of having my identity dismissed, I’m not backing down until Aunt Nora gives me the basic respect of using my name.

So, am I taking this too far? AITJ for giving my aunt a taste of her own medicine?

Another User Comments: NTJ!

Your aunt has been disrespecting you for TWENTY YEARS. That’s not a slip-up or forgetfulness, that’s a deliberate power move. You’ve tried asking nicely, your parents have tried intervening, and she still insists on calling you something you don’t want to be called.

The fact that she’s getting so upset when you do the exact same thing to her shows she knows exactly what she’s doing. Keep it up until she learns. Maybe try “accidentally” calling her by her sister’s name next time if you really want to twist the knife.

Another User Comments: YTJ, but in the most justified way possible.

Family gatherings are already tense enough without adding to the drama. Have you tried sitting down with her one-on-one and explaining why this matters so much to you? Maybe there’s something deeper going on with her that you don’t understand.

That said, I totally get why you’re doing this and honestly, it’s pretty funny. Just be prepared that she might never change, and decide if this is the hill you want to die on with your family relationships.

Another User Comments: NTJ.

Your name is YOUR name. End of discussion. I changed my name when I was 25 because I never felt connected to my birth name, and the family members who refuse to use my new name are the same ones I no longer speak to.

It’s about respect. If she can’t respect something as basic as what you want to be called, what else is she dismissing about you? Stand your ground. Eventually she’ll either get the point or show everyone exactly who she is.

Another User Comments: Everyone’s being ridiculous here.

ESH. Your aunt sounds like a piece of work with the stealing and criticism, but this name game is just petty. You’re both adults playing childish games, and your cousin Mary is caught in the middle. If you truly want to be the bigger person, stop responding when she calls you Abby.

Just completely ignore her until she uses your correct name. That’s setting a boundary without creating more drama.

Another User Comments: NTJ but this is hilarious and I’m totally here for it. My grandmother refused to call my sister by her name for YEARS because she thought it was “too modern.” We should have tried your approach!

Just keep cycling through random names that sound nothing like Nora. Make them increasingly ridiculous. Nebuchadnezzar. Nostradamus. Nymphadora. Make everyone else laugh while she fumes. Sometimes humor is the only way to deal with stubborn family members who refuse to respect boundaries.

I’m a senior at university, and I’ve been having this weird issue with my friend group that’s making me question everything.

So there’s me and my three friends – Amira, Evelyn, and Chloe – who I’ve been tight with since freshman year. We used to be inseparable.

About six months ago, I started noticing something off. Unless I texted first in our group chat, nobody would say anything.

And when I did text, they’d take forever to respond. Like, I’d send a funny meme at 10 AM and get a “lol” at 8 PM. During summer break, it got worse. I was sending updates about my internship, asking how everyone was doing, planning meetups – basically trying to keep our friendship alive while they gave me nothing back.

During this time, I started dating Gabriel, who was my best friend before things turned romantic.

Suddenly I was juggling a new relationship, an intense internship in a rural area with terrible phone service, my anxiety that was getting worse, and trying to maintain all my friendships.

Fast forward to yesterday. I hadn’t reached out to the group in two weeks – partly as an experiment and partly because I was exhausted from being the only one making an effort.

I randomly bumped into Amira on campus, and she goes, “Wow, we haven’t seen you in forever!”

I didn’t even think before responding, “You didn’t even look for me.” I said it casually, not trying to start anything.

Then I suggested getting coffee since she had time before her next class, but she quickly said no and hurried off.

When I got back to my dorm, my phone was blowing up. Amira and Evelyn were going off in our group chat, saying how “rude and unacceptable” my comment was.

They claimed I was badmouthing them behind their backs because they saw some vague reposts on my social media. Then they had the nerve to say that since I was “clearly not doing well mentally” (their words), I should have come to them for support.

This went on forever, with them painting me as the villain who abandoned the friendship.

I started feeling dizzy and realized I was about to have a panic attack. I had to put my phone down and focus on breathing. Once I calmed down, I sent one last message: “If I say anything else, I’ll repeat myself, so just tell me how you want to move on from here.”

It’s been radio silence since then.

I’m questioning if I overreacted or if I’m actually justified in feeling hurt that our friendship seems totally one-sided. AITJ?

Another User Comments: NTJ. Your friends sound like they’ve been phasing you out for months while wanting to avoid the guilt of actually ending the friendship.

The fact that they blew up after such a mild comment shows they know they’ve been neglecting the friendship. They’re trying to flip the script and make you the bad guy. And that comment about your mental health?

Super manipulative. They’re using that as a weapon against you instead of showing actual concern. You deserve friends who match your energy and effort.

Another User Comments: I’m going against the grain here with YTJ. Friendships naturally ebb and flow in college, especially senior year when everyone’s focusing on what comes next.

You admit you got into a relationship and became busy too. Maybe they sensed you pulling away and responded in kind? That comment when you ran into Amira was passive-aggressive, even if you said it casually. Instead of direct communication about feeling neglected, you tested them by not texting for two weeks, which feels like game-playing.

Everyone’s at fault, but your approach escalated things unnecessarily.

Another User Comments: NTJ but you all need to work on communication. Friendships take effort from all sides. You shouldn’t have to be the only one initiating, but that “you didn’t look for me” comment, while true, was confrontational in a public setting.

Your friends overreacted massively though. Instead of reflecting on their behavior, they dogpiled on you and weaponized your anxiety against you. That’s not what friends do. Maybe this friendship has run its course, which happens a lot in the final year of university as people grow in different directions.

Another User Comments: NTJ.

I’ve been the friend who maintains the group chat, plans all the hangouts, and keeps everyone connected. It’s exhausting and emotionally draining when it’s not reciprocated. Your friends showed their true colors when they attacked you instead of acknowledging their lack of effort.

The fact they mentioned your mental health as a way to criticize you rather than support you tells me everything I need to know. Sometimes we outgrow friendships, and that’s okay. Focus on the people who make an effort to be in your life, like Gabriel and friends who actually value you.

Another User Comments: Everyone sucks here.

Your friends suck for not putting in effort and then getting defensive when called out. You suck for the passive-aggressive comment and the two-week “test” instead of having an honest conversation. College friendships often fade as priorities change, but nobody wants to admit it’s happening.

Instead of this dramatic back-and-forth, you all should have had a mature conversation months ago about changing dynamics. Either commit to being better friends to each other or acknowledge you’ve grown apart and move on without all this unnecessary drama.

I’m at my wit’s end with this situation. I’m 63, and my daughter Leah (33) has been married to Jordan (33) for 6 years now.

They have two adorable girls, ages 5 and 3, who I absolutely adore.

The problem? Their house is a complete disaster zone because of TOYS. I’m not exaggerating when I say there are toys everywhere – the living room, kitchen, bedrooms, even the bathroom!

You can barely walk through some rooms without stepping on something that squeaks, lights up, or makes some irritating noise.

Jordan’s parents live just 10 minutes away and visit several times a week, always bringing new toys. And I mean ALWAYS.

They never come empty-handed. Jordan himself is just as bad, constantly bringing home new gadgets and stuffed animals for the girls. The toys are piling up faster than anyone could possibly organize them.

Leah has confided in me that she’s completely overwhelmed.

She works full-time as a teacher, comes home exhausted, and can’t keep up with the mess. Jordan does the laundry but doesn’t seem bothered by living in what basically looks like a toy store that exploded.

Their oldest daughter barely plays with half the stuff before it gets buried under newer toys.

Last week, I visited and actually tripped over a plastic kitchen set in the middle of their hallway. I didn’t fall, thankfully, but it was close.

The whole visit I felt anxious and claustrophobic. When I mentioned the safety hazard to Jordan, he just laughed and said, “That’s life with kids!”

Leah has asked her in-laws to stop bringing toys, but they ignore her.

She’s even told me not to bring toys anymore (not that I do – they literally have everything already).

I’m seriously considering telling Leah that I can’t visit their home anymore. I’d rather have them come to my place or meet at a park or restaurant.

I’m not getting any younger, and I genuinely worry about falling. Plus, the chaos makes me so anxious I can’t enjoy the visit.

Am I being ridiculous? Is this just normal kid stuff that I should get over?

I don’t want to hurt Leah’s feelings, but I also don’t want to break a hip tripping over the fifteenth forgotten unicorn of the day.

Another User Comments: I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.

This isn’t just about tidiness – it’s a genuine safety concern, especially at your age. A fall could be really serious. The bigger issue seems to be that your daughter and son-in-law aren’t on the same page about this.

Your daughter needs to have a serious talk with her husband about respecting her wishes regarding their home. Maybe suggest meeting at your place for a while and be honest about why. This could actually be the push they need to address the problem.

Jordan needs to step up and help manage the situation instead of adding to it.

Another User Comments: Have you considered offering to help Leah organize or declutter? Maybe you could suggest a day where you watch the kids while she and Jordan sort through things.

Sometimes people need practical help more than criticism. That said, I understand your concern about falling. Perhaps you could designate one room that stays toy-free during your visits? This way you have a safe space to retreat to. The in-laws definitely need boundaries though – bringing toys every single visit is excessive and undermining Leah’s authority in her own home.

Another User Comments: YTJ sorry.

This is their home and how they choose to live. Kids are messy and yes, that many toys sounds excessive, but refusing to visit your grandchildren because of it seems petty. They’re only little for a short time.

Maybe instead of criticizing, you could buy them storage solutions as gifts? Or take the kids to your place more often if you want a clutter-free environment. Avoiding their home entirely sends a pretty judgmental message that might damage your relationship with the whole family.

Another User Comments: NTJ but I think there’s a middle ground.

Can you suggest specific visit times when you’re coming over, giving Leah a chance to clear walkways? Maybe even frame it as “I’d love to come over Saturday at 2, would that give you enough time to clear a path so this old lady doesn’t break a hip?” with some humor.

The real issue is Jordan and his parents undermining Leah, but that’s not something you can solve directly. Your safety concerns are valid, but complete refusal to visit might hurt your relationship with your grandkids.

Another User Comments: I faced a similar situation with my son’s home.

What worked for us was establishing “Grandma’s toy-free zone” in their living room. When I visit, that space stays clear. Maybe propose something similar? You’re NTJ for being concerned about your safety, but rather than refusing visits entirely, try finding solutions.

Perhaps suggest a monthly toy donation ritual with the girls? They could pick toys to give to less fortunate children. This might help manage the clutter while teaching them generosity. Jordan’s parents need boundaries though – that’s the root problem here.

I’m totally at my breaking point right now. I moved back home two months ago to study for my medical entrance exams, and it’s been nothing but stress since day one.

Some background: I’m Mariana (23), the oldest kid in my family.

I just finished undergrad and I’m prepping for these huge entrance exams coming up in January. During college, I lived in a dorm about two hours from home, but I always pitched in with housework whenever I visited.

My mom works these crazy overnight shifts and gets home around 4 AM, so we all try to let her rest during the day. She still insists on cooking for us though – and I can’t complain because her food is amazing.

While I was away at college, my sister Camila (17) and brother Jackson (19) split the household stuff between them.

Their school is literally across the street from our house, so they’ve always had it pretty easy with commuting. Jackson’s now busy with his first year of college, so he’s barely around anymore.

Since coming home in July, I’ve somehow become the default housekeeper.

I’m doing EVERYTHING – cleaning, feeding our three dogs, washing dishes, mopping floors, you name it. At first, I didn’t mind because I felt like I owed my siblings for handling things while I was gone.

But now that my intensive review classes have started, I’m drowning.

I have ADHD (diagnosed when I was 10), and studying is already a massive challenge. Every time I finally get into a good flow state with my books, something interrupts me – dishes need washing, dogs need feeding, floors need mopping.

Once my concentration breaks, it takes forever to get back on track.

So I asked my mom if she could talk to Camila about helping out a bit. I wasn’t asking her to do everything – just pick up some slack while I’m in my study sessions.

What does my sister do? Instead of helping, she literally MOVES OUT to our grandmother’s place 15 minutes away just to avoid chores! Now I’m stuck doing everything by myself again.

I’m not sleeping, I’m falling behind in my review classes, and yesterday I had a complete breakdown while mopping up after one of the dogs knocked over their water bowl.

I was trying to re-watch a lecture video and just lost it. I don’t think it’s fair that just because I’m the oldest and I’m back home, I have to handle everything while Camila gets to skip out completely.

I’m not asking for much – just some basic consideration so I can focus on this exam that will literally determine my future.

Am I being unreasonable here?

Another User Comments: I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all. Your sister sounds incredibly selfish. Moving to your grandmother’s just to avoid helping around the house? That’s next-level avoidance.

Have you tried sitting down with your mom and explaining how this is affecting your studies? Maybe if she understands how serious your ADHD makes this situation, she’ll be more firm with your sister. Your future career shouldn’t be jeopardized because your sister refuses to wash a few dishes or feed the dogs occasionally.

NTJ, and I hope you find a solution soon.

Another User Comments: I’m going against the grain here, but gentle YTJ. It sounds like your siblings had to handle everything while you were away at college for years.

Now you’re back and expecting them to continue doing chores while you study? I get that med school exams are important, but so is their schoolwork. Your sister probably feels like she finally has a break now that you’re home.

Instead of going through your mom, try having an honest conversation with your sister about splitting responsibilities fairly. Everyone deserves downtime, including her.

Another User Comments: NTJ, but this seems like a family communication issue more than anything. Your mom needs to step up here and mediate.

She’s letting your sister get away with completely avoiding responsibility by moving to grandma’s house! That’s ridiculous. As the parent, she should be establishing clear expectations for everyone. Have you considered creating a chore schedule that distributes tasks fairly among all siblings based on who’s home when?

That way nobody feels unfairly burdened, and you get your study time.

Another User Comments: This is a tough situation, but NTJ. Your ADHD makes this particularly challenging, and your sister doesn’t seem to understand or care about that.

However, I’m curious – did you explain to her directly how much you’re struggling? Sometimes people (especially teenagers) need things spelled out clearly. She might be thinking “why should I help when Mariana can just do it?” without realizing how it’s impacting your mental health and future.

Try talking to her without your mom as the middleman.

Another User Comments: Everyone kinda sucks here. Your sister is being immature by running away to grandma’s, but it seems like you’re not considering that she might be overwhelmed too.

High school senior year is stressful! Your mom is working nights but could still enforce some family rules. And where’s Jackson in all this? Even if he’s in college, he could help when he’s home.

Instead of focusing just on your sister, maybe consider a family meeting where everyone (including mom) agrees to specific responsibilities. NTJ for wanting help, but the approach needs work.

So my wife Emma and I have been married for 8 years now. Her father passed away about a decade ago, and I totally get how important he was to her.

Over the years, she’s created these little memorial spots all throughout our house. There’s his ashes in the living room with some of his old IDs displayed on the bookcase. The bathroom has framed photos of him fishing and camping.

Upstairs, there’s this huge picture collage from his funeral that takes up half the wall. Our den has his old side table that honestly doesn’t match anything else in the room, but I’ve never said a word about it.

She even wears his old wedding ring daily, sometimes when she’s not wearing mine.

I’ve always respected her need to keep his memory alive. I really have. But sometimes it feels like I’m competing with a ghost, you know?

Like her connection to him takes priority over our life together.

Anyway, we’ve been renovating our house recently – new floors, fresh paint, updated curtains – the whole deal. We’ve been making most decisions together and splitting the work.

Last night, we were hanging pictures in our newly refinished dining room. This room is basically the centerpiece of our home; you can see it from the entrance and it connects to most of the main living areas.

Emma suddenly mentioned wanting to hang her dad’s painting – this flower painting that looks like a child made it, complete with a handmade frame.

I gently suggested maybe we could find a different spot for it since it doesn’t really match the new aesthetic we’d worked so hard on. I wasn’t saying to get rid of it, just maybe put it in another room.

She immediately got upset and accused me of “choosing aesthetics over her emotions.” I tried explaining that we should both have input on such a central room in the house, but she flat-out said no.

Her reaction really triggered me, and I admit I didn’t handle it perfectly. I told her we didn’t need to have a memory of her father in literally every room of our house. After that, she completely shut down and refused to talk about it anymore.

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here.

I’ve accepted and respected all the other memorials throughout our home without complaint. I just wanted one room – our newly designed dining room – to reflect us as a couple rather than be another shrine. Now she’s barely speaking to me, and I’m wondering if I crossed a line.

Another User Comments: I understand both sides here.

Your wife is clearly still processing her grief, and these mementos are her way of keeping her father close. That said, you’ve been incredibly patient and accommodating for years. Having one room that doesn’t include these memorials isn’t asking too much, especially a shared space you both worked hard to renovate.

Perhaps suggest creating a dedicated memorial space elsewhere in the house? This way she can honor her father without it dominating every corner of your shared home. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own space too.

Another User Comments: Sorry, but YTJ here.

Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. This painting clearly means the world to your wife, and you’re dismissing it as childish and not matching your precious aesthetic. Who cares if it doesn’t “go with” your dining room?

Your wife’s emotional wellbeing should matter more than whether your house looks like it belongs in a magazine. The fact that you’re counting and keeping track of all her dad’s things throughout the house suggests you’ve been harboring resentment for a while.

That’s something you need to work on.

Another User Comments: NTJ. Marriage is about compromise, and it sounds like you’ve been doing all the compromising until now. It’s perfectly reasonable to want some input in how your shared spaces look, especially ones you both renovated together.

Your wife needs to understand that while her grief is valid, your feelings matter too. Have you considered suggesting a special memorial wall or dedicated space where she could display all these items together? That might be a solution that honors her father while still allowing you both to have a say in the rest of the home’s decor.

Another User Comments: This isn’t just about a painting.

You’re dealing with the complex dynamics of living with someone who’s experienced profound loss. The painting is symbolic of something deeper. Your wife probably fears that moving the painting means she’s somehow dishonoring her father’s memory or moving on too much.

Try approaching this from a place of understanding rather than aesthetics. Maybe suggest creating a beautiful, intentional memorial space in another room where the painting would be the centerpiece, rather than just another decoration.

Another User Comments: You’re both right and wrong here.

Your feelings are valid – it’s hard living in a memorial home where you feel secondary to someone who’s gone. But your timing was terrible. You should have had this conversation before renovations began, not when she was already excited about hanging the painting.

Also, saying “we don’t need memories in every room” was unnecessarily harsh. I think you need to apologize for how you said it, while still gently explaining that you want some spaces that represent your life together, not just her past.

Marriage counseling might help navigate this sensitive territory.

I’m 15, and my whole life has been split between mom and dad’s houses. They broke up right after I was born, and I’ve gotten used to my routine.

Two weeks at Mom’s, two weeks at Dad’s. It worked for us.

Then out of nowhere, three months ago, they announced they were dating again. Dating! Like, what? My dad Ethan moved into my mom Kayla’s house, and suddenly I’m living with my half-siblings all the time.

Ada and Henry are 8 and 10 – Mom had them with her ex. They’re fine kids, but I’m used to having my own space.

The worst part is how my dad keeps saying stuff like, “Isn’t this great, Audrey?

The family together at last!” Like I’m supposed to be grateful. I didn’t ask for this change. I had a system, and it worked fine.

The real problem started when they tried to crash my weekend with Grandpa John.

See, every weekend since I was little, I’ve gone to Grandpa’s lake house. It’s our special thing – just me, Grandpa, sometimes my cousin Gianna joins. We fish, hike, and he teaches me about nature.

It’s the one constant I’ve had.

Last Friday, Dad announced, “We’re all going to Grandpa’s this weekend! Won’t that be fun?”

I pulled Grandpa aside later and said, “I know they’re trying, but these weekends are our thing.

I need something that stays the same.”

Grandpa got it. He told my parents that the lake house was already full with some renovation work happening in the guest rooms, so maybe another time.

Mom completely lost it. She accused me of turning Grandpa against them and trying to “sabotage their relationship.” Like everything is about them!

I tried explaining that I just need some adjustment time, but she wouldn’t listen.

I packed a bag and went to stay with Aunt Emily for a few days. Dad texted saying I’m being childish and need to come home and support their relationship.

Even Grandpa called suggesting maybe I should try to compromise.

I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting one thing in my life to stay the same when everything else is changing. But everyone’s making me feel like I’m being selfish.

AITJ?

Another User Comments: NTJ. You’re 15 and your whole routine just got flipped upside down. Your parents are thinking about their happiness but not considering how this massive change affects you. The weekend with your grandpa is clearly your safe space.

Parents need to understand that their choices have real impacts on their kids. They should be easing into this new arrangement, not forcing family togetherness when you’re still processing. Stand your ground on keeping some things just for you during this transition.

Another User Comments: Gentle YTJ.

I get you’re struggling with the changes, but your parents are trying to rebuild something that would ultimately benefit everyone. Change is hard, but refusing to share your grandpa time comes across as a bit immature. Maybe suggest alternating weekends – some just you and grandpa, others with the whole family?

Your parents’ reunion is actually pretty rare and special. Most kids with divorced parents would love this opportunity. Try to see it from their perspective too.

Another User Comments: NTJ but communication is key here. Your parents are excited about their second chance, which is understandable, but they’re bulldozing over your feelings in their enthusiasm.

Have you tried sitting them down for a real conversation about how overwhelming this is? Explain that you need the grandpa weekends as a constant while you adjust. Maybe propose a timeline – keep these weekends sacred for three months, then slowly integrate family trips?

Most relationship problems come from people talking at each other instead of with each other.

Another User Comments: NTJ. Your parents got divorced for a reason. Sorry to be cynical, but they’re rushing into playing happy family without considering the emotional whiplash for you.

What happens if they break up again after forcing all these changes? You’re smart to maintain some boundaries and keep some parts of your life consistent. They need to earn your trust in this new arrangement, not demand it.

Your grandpa sounds awesome for respecting your wishes, by the way.

Another User Comments: Everyone’s a bit wrong here. Your parents shouldn’t force family bonding, but running away to your aunt’s isn’t solving anything.

This is a big adjustment for everyone. Your parents probably feel rejected, which explains your mom’s reaction. Maybe suggest family therapy? A neutral third party could help everyone express their feelings without the drama. And consider that while you didn’t ask for this change, it might actually turn out better than you expect if given a chance.

Growing up with both parents together could be really positive.

I never thought I’d be so desperate for a few hours of peace and quiet, but having a 6-month-old will do that to you.

Jade (my wife) and I have been running on fumes since our daughter Yara was born. Don’t get me wrong–I love being a dad, but the exhaustion is no joke.

Here’s our setup: Jade works full-time at an office.

I work hybrid–three days in office, two at home. When I’m at the office, Jade’s parents watch Yara. On my work-from-home days, I juggle conference calls while changing diapers. Weekends are supposed to be our time to split baby duties equally.

Except it’s not equal.

When I have Yara, Jade gets to scroll through social media, watch her shows, or take a nap. But when she has Yara, suddenly I’m handed a list: “Matthew, can you wash these bottles? Matthew, the living room’s a mess.

Matthew, can you assemble that swing we got?”

I’ve tried bringing it up. “I feel like I don’t get any downtime,” I told her last week. She just rolled her eyes and said, “Welcome to parenthood.

We both need to do our part.”

What makes it more frustrating is that I have way more PTO than she does. About three times as much. So yesterday, I had this idea–what if I took just ONE day off?

Not to go anywhere, just to exist in peace. Eat breakfast while it’s still hot. Take a shower longer than three minutes. Maybe even watch a movie without pausing it fifteen times.

When I mentioned this to Jade, you’d think I’d suggested abandoning our child in the woods.

“You want to take a day off just to do nothing?” she said.

“That’s so selfish. My parents are doing us a favor watching Yara when you’re at the office. If you’re taking a day off, I’m telling them we don’t need their help, and you can watch her.”

I love my daughter, but that defeats the whole purpose of a mental health day.

I need a break from BOTH work AND childcare.

So I’m considering a backup plan: pretend to go to work, wait until Jade drops Yara off at her parents’, then come home and claim my company switched me to remote for the day.

I’d get my quiet house and nobody would be inconvenienced.

I mentioned this idea to my buddy Jordan, and he thinks it’s shady. “Just talk to her again,” he said.

But I’ve tried!

Jade doesn’t get it. The ironic part is when SHE works from home (which is rare), she complains non-stop about how impossible it is to work with Yara around. Yet she expects me to do exactly that twice a week without complaint.

I’m not trying to dodge responsibility.

I just need ONE day to recharge before I completely burn out. Would I be the jerk if I went through with my sneaky day-off plan?

Another User Comments: I get where you’re coming from, but lying to your wife sets a bad precedent in your marriage.

That said, it’s completely reasonable to need a break! Maybe instead of sneaking around, try finding a compromise – perhaps her parents could take Yara for a full day once a month so BOTH of you can have a break?

The issue seems to be less about the day off and more about the communication breakdown between you two. Maybe couple’s counseling would help you both express your needs better. Being a new parent is hard, but you shouldn’t have to resort to deception to get basic self-care.

Another User Comments: NTJ, but don’t lie – that’ll just make everything worse when she inevitably finds out.

The real problem is your wife doesn’t respect your need for downtime. You’re both parents, but somehow she’s decided her relaxation time is essential while yours is “selfish.” That’s some serious double standards.

I’d sit her down for a serious conversation about burnout and mental health. If she still doesn’t get it, maybe write everything down – the imbalance in chores, childcare, and downtime. Sometimes seeing it on paper makes it harder to deny the facts.

Another User Comments: Sorry, but YTJ if you lie.

I understand needing a break, but deception will destroy trust. What happens when your wife finds out? Because she will. Instead, consider hiring a babysitter for a day – that way neither of you are “abusing” her parents’ kindness, and you get your break.

Also, it sounds like you both need to have a serious convo about division of labor and respect for each other’s mental health. Maybe suggest that BOTH of you take turns having a personal day once a month?

Parenthood is a marathon, not a sprint.

Another User Comments: This isn’t about one day off – it’s about an ongoing pattern where your wife gets breaks and you don’t. NTJ for wanting equal treatment, but you would be if you lie.

Instead, track your time for a week – literally write down every minute spent on childcare, chores, and relaxation for both of you. Present the data to your wife so she can’t claim you’re “imagining” the imbalance.

And if her parents are already watching your child regularly, how is one more day “abusing their kindness”? That reasoning makes no sense.

Another User Comments: ESH. Your wife sucks for the double standard and dismissing your needs.

You suck for considering lying instead of addressing the real issue. But honestly? I get it. New parenthood is HARD, and it sounds like you’re at your breaking point. Instead of the sneaky plan, try this: ask her parents directly if they’d mind watching Yara for one of your WFH days.

They might be happy to help, and it removes your wife as the gatekeeper. Long-term though, you guys need couples counseling before resentment destroys your relationship.

Today was the kind of day that makes you question if the universe has a personal vendetta against you. My car broke down on the highway, leaving me stranded in the summer heat for nearly three hours waiting for roadside assistance.

By the time I finally made it home, I was already at my limit.

I thought I’d at least be productive and wash our comforter since Vanessa had mentioned it needed cleaning. Big mistake. The thing was way too bulky for our tiny washing machine, and halfway through the cycle, water started gushing everywhere.

I frantically bailed water until I could stop the flooding, then dragged the sopping wet comforter to the bathtub where I abandoned it. I was done. Completely done.

When Vanessa got home, I told her about the disaster of a day I’d had.

She was really sweet about it, listening and offering support for about 15 minutes. I told her I just needed some alone time on the couch to decompress, so she headed out for her evening run to give me space.

It was scorching that day–like 95 degrees.

When she came back all sweaty, she wanted to shower. That’s when she noticed the comforter drowning in the tub. Now, this comforter is the only blanket we have that fits our bed, and we both had early classes the next morning.

“Hey Miles,” she said, sticking her head out of the bathroom.

“I need to rinse off after my run, and it’s getting pretty late. I’ll handle the comforter–you don’t have to worry about it. Just curious though, does it still have soap in it?”

I grumbled something about not wanting to talk about it.

She tried again, really politely.

“I just need to know if I should rinse it or just wring it out. I don’t want to get it wetter by showering with it there if it doesn’t need rinsing.”

I mumbled some half-answer, annoyed she was still talking about it.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that,” she said.

That’s when I lost it.

I erupted, yelling about how I’d told her I didn’t want to discuss the stupid comforter and how she couldn’t respect my need for space. It spiraled into a full-blown argument, ending with me storming out of the apartment.

Looking back, I know she was trying to solve the problem I’d created.

She wasn’t even asking me to do anything–just a simple yes or no so she could fix it herself. But in that moment, all I could feel was frustration that she wouldn’t drop it.

Another User Comments: Hate to say it but YTJ here.

Your girlfriend was being incredibly supportive and just needed basic information to solve a problem YOU created. She offered to handle everything herself and just needed to know about the soap. That’s not badgering you, that’s just practical problem-solving.

We all have bad days, but that doesn’t give us the right to snap at people who are actively trying to help us, especially when they’ve already given us space and sympathy. You owe Vanessa a serious apology.

Another User Comments: I’m going against the grain to say NTJ.

Sometimes we all hit our breaking point, and it sounds like you’d communicated your need for mental space. Could you have handled it better? Absolutely. But I understand how one more question about the thing that pushed you over the edge could feel overwhelming.

That said, I think you should apologize to Vanessa. She was trying to be helpful and caught the fallout from your terrible day. Buy her flowers and tell her you appreciate her patience.

Another User Comments: ESH (Everyone Seems Harsh).

You were definitely wrong for yelling, but Vanessa could have read the room better. When someone says they don’t want to talk about something, continuing to ask is pushing a boundary. That said, it was a practical question with a simple answer that would have taken less energy than getting angry.

You two need to work on communication skills. Also, invest in a second blanket! One comforter between two people with early morning schedules is asking for trouble.

Another User Comments: YTJ, but I get it. Bad days happen to everyone.

The problem is you created a mess, abandoned it in a shared space (the tub), then got mad when your girlfriend needed information about that mess so she could fix it FOR YOU. She wasn’t asking you to solve anything – she was taking on the work herself.

A simple “yes, there’s soap” or “no, it’s rinsed” would have taken less energy than getting angry. Your frustration with your day isn’t her fault.

Another User Comments: Soft YTJ.

I understand hitting your limit after a horrible day, but you basically set Vanessa up to fail here. You created a problem, left it in a shared space she needed to use, then got upset when she asked a practical question about it.

What was she supposed to do? Leave the comforter soaking forever? Sleep without a blanket? Skip her shower? Sometimes adulting means dealing with problems even when we’re exhausted. Next time, maybe just say “I don’t know, do whatever you think is best” rather than blowing up.

I’m at my wit’s end with this situation between Patrick and me. We’ve been together for three years, both working in tech, but his career skyrocketed last year when his company got acquired.

He walked away with enough money to essentially retire at 30, while I’m still grinding away at my regular job.

We welcomed our son Elijah four months ago, and I’m heading back to work next month. When we originally discussed childcare plans during my pregnancy, we both agreed daycare was the way to go.

But that was before Patrick decided he was done with working forever and wanted to ‘enjoy life.’

So I suggested something logical – since he’ll be home all day anyway, couldn’t he watch Elijah instead of us spending $36,000 a year on daycare?

His response floored me. He said, ‘That’s not what I quit my job for. I want to travel, play golf, and enjoy my freedom.’

Look, I get wanting to enjoy your success, but we’re parents now. When I pointed out that I don’t have a million-dollar cushion and saving $18,000 a year (my half) would make a huge difference for my financial future, he just shrugged.

‘We agreed to split expenses 50/50,’ he kept saying, like some kind of broken record. Yes, we did agree to that before he became wealthy enough to never work again while I’m still paying off student loans!

Now we’re at a standoff. I told him if he refuses to watch Elijah during the day, then he should cover the entire daycare cost since he has the means. He says I’m trying to change our financial arrangement to benefit myself. Meanwhile, he’s planning a guys’ trip to Aspen while I’m figuring out how to maximize my 401k contributions.

Am I being unreasonable here? I don’t expect him to be a full-time dad with no breaks, but throwing money at daycare when he could easily help out seems wasteful and unfair.

Another User Comments: I see both sides here. You made an agreement about finances, and changing that now feels like moving goalposts. However, circumstances have changed dramatically. Maybe compromise? ... Click here to continue reading