People Feel Like They Are Wasting Their Time In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

I’m 21 and still living with my mom while finishing college, and honestly, I’m at my breaking point.

My mom, Olivia, has this way of making everything about her and using what she gives me as leverage. Just last week, she threatened to kick me out because I couldn’t take her to a fancy restaurant for her birthday–I had finals!

This was the third time in two months she’s threatened to throw me out.

The pattern is always the same. We disagree on something small, she escalates it by saying things like, “After everything I’ve done for you” or “I’ve sacrificed my whole life for you and your brother.” Then come the threats: “Maybe you should just leave and never come back” or “I paid for that car you drive, I can take it away whenever I want.”

Last month, she compared me to my aunt Zara (who she doesn’t even like) because I didn’t clean the kitchen her way.

When I tried to defend myself, she cut me off and called me ungrateful. Then she brought up how she “had to go to therapy” because of my childhood issues with anxiety and ADHD. She makes me feel like I ruined her life just by existing with mental health problems.

My boyfriend Julian has been my rock through all this.

We’ve been dating for a year, but he’s been my best friend for three years before that. Even though we’re long distance, he sees what’s happening. He and my friends keep telling me this isn’t normal, but it’s hard when she’s been this way my whole life.

I’m trying so hard to finish my degree quickly so I can move out and be with Julian.

I’ve started seeing a counselor to help me cope, but sometimes I think the only solution is to just cut ties with her once I graduate. I know she’s my mom and deep down I do love her, but I can’t keep living like this–walking on eggshells, being called names, and feeling manipulated every day.

The worst part is when she says things like, “I don’t care if you end up working at a strip club for all I care” when she’s angry, then acts like nothing happened the next day.

I feel trapped, confused, and so, so tired.

I don’t want to cut her out completely, but I don’t know how else to protect myself. AITJ for planning my escape?

Another User Comments: NTJ. Your mom is using classic manipulation tactics–giving gifts with strings attached and threatening to take them away when you don’t behave how she wants.

This is emotional abuse, plain and simple. The fact that she blames you for her needing therapy because of YOUR childhood mental health issues is just twisted. Parents are supposed to support their children through challenges, not make them feel guilty for having them.

Focus on finishing school and getting out. Your mental health matters more than maintaining a relationship that’s clearly toxic. Sometimes distance is the only solution.

Another User Comments: You’re NTJ but maybe consider that your mom might need professional help herself.

My mom was similar–hot and cold, manipulative, threatening–and years later we found out she had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. This doesn’t excuse her behavior AT ALL, but it might explain it. Set firm boundaries once you move out, like “If you call me names, I’m hanging up for a week.” Then stick to it.

You can love someone from a distance while protecting yourself. Your counselor can help you navigate this. Good luck with school and your future with Julian!

Another User Comments: Soft YTJ. I know this isn’t popular, but parents sacrifice A LOT for their kids.

Your mom probably doesn’t communicate well, but cutting ties completely seems extreme. Have you tried family therapy? Maybe with a neutral third party, you could both express yourselves better. Parents aren’t perfect, and sometimes they project their own insecurities.

Before you make permanent decisions, try having one honest conversation about how her words affect you. If that doesn’t work, then distance is understandable, but total cutting off? That’s pretty harsh.

Another User Comments: NTJ but be careful about jumping from one dependent situation to another.

You’re planning to move directly from your mom’s house to living with your boyfriend. Make sure you’re financially independent first so you don’t end up trapped in another situation where someone has power over you.

Your mom’s behavior is definitely not okay, but the best revenge is living well on your own terms. Focus on building your independence alongside your relationship with Julian. Good luck with finishing college!

Another User Comments: NTJ. I lived this exact situation.

My mom would give me things then hold them over my head, call me names, then act like nothing happened. I moved out at 22 and kept low contact. Ten years later, we have a better relationship BECAUSE I set boundaries.

She couldn’t control me anymore, so she had to learn to respect me as an adult. You don’t have to cut ties forever–sometimes temporary distance lets everyone grow. But protect yourself first. No one deserves to be called names or threatened with homelessness by the person who’s supposed to love them unconditionally.

I can’t believe I’m even questioning myself about this, but I need some outside perspective.

Last night, around 2:30 AM, our apartment building’s fire alarm went off. My mom has been staying with me for the past week, and what should have been a simple ‘grab the essentials and exit’ situation turned into complete chaos.

I immediately grabbed my dog Daisy’s leash while my mom started frantically cleaning the apartment.

Her dog, a completely untrained golden retriever named Miles, was barking like crazy, adding to the stress. I told her we needed to leave RIGHT NOW, but she kept saying, ‘We can’t let firefighters see the place like this!’

The ‘mess’ she was so worried about?

Her suitcase that was sprawled open in front of the door with clothes everywhere, and a half-cut watermelon she’d left out on the counter from her midnight snack. Instead of grabbing it and throwing it in the fridge, she was trying to properly wrap it and clean the sticky counter.

‘Penelope, I can’t leave with the apartment looking like this!’ she insisted while I stood by the door with my dog, hearing the alarm blaring.

I tried explaining that firefighters don’t care about our housekeeping skills during an emergency, but she kept pushing me to take my dog and go without her.

After a few minutes of this nonsense, I finally gave in and left with just my dog, texting her immediately that I was outside.

When I realized the firefighters were just checking the building and the alarm wasn’t going off in our specific unit, I called to let her know she probably didn’t need to worry about them entering.

She hung up on me mid-sentence.

By the time I got back upstairs after the all-clear (around 3:18 AM), the apartment was spotless, but she was stomping around, sighing dramatically, and giving me the silent treatment like I’d committed some horrible betrayal.

It’s now morning, and she’s still acting like I’ve done something terrible.

I’m 28 years old, 5’3″ with zero upper body strength, and couldn’t possibly handle both dogs alone outside in the middle of the night while everyone was evacuating. I feel like I’m living with a teenager instead of my 56-year-old mother.

AITJ for leaving her behind when she TOLD me to go?

Another User Comments: NTJ. Your mom prioritized CLEANING over safety during a FIRE ALARM. That’s beyond ridiculous. What if there had been an actual fire? Would she have stayed to vacuum while the place burned down?

The firefighters wouldn’t have cared about a messy apartment – they’ve seen way worse. They care about getting people safely out of the building. Her giving you the silent treatment afterward is just manipulative behavior to make you feel guilty when you did nothing wrong.

Don’t fall for it. Next time, maybe try grabbing her arm and physically leading her out if needed.

Another User Comments: Gentle YTJ. I get that your mom was being irrational, but you shouldn’t have left her in the building during a fire alarm.

What if there had been a real emergency? Her behavior sounds frustrating but also concerning – this extreme need to appear perfect even during potential danger might indicate some deeper anxiety issues. Instead of texting from outside, maybe you should have been more firm about both of you leaving immediately.

Your safety and hers should come before a clean apartment or managing the dogs. Maybe have a calm conversation about emergency protocols going forward.

Another User Comments: NTJ but your mom needs help. This isn’t normal behavior. Staying behind during a fire alarm to clean up is legitimately dangerous and indicates some serious issues with priorities or possibly even an undiagnosed condition.

The silent treatment afterward is just the cherry on top of this dysfunction sundae. You mentioned this is how she “normally does” things – is she regularly this dramatic and irrational? If so, you might want to reconsider how much time you spend living together.

Life’s too short for this kind of stress, especially at 3AM.

Another User Comments: ESH. Your mom was clearly in the wrong for prioritizing cleaning during an emergency, but you also shouldn’t have left her. Fire alarms are serious business.

That said, her behavior afterward is classic emotional manipulation. The sighing, silent treatment, and stomping around are textbook ways to make you feel guilty without having to articulate why she’s upset. This sounds like a pattern between you two that needs addressing.

Maybe some boundaries about visit length would be good – a week seems like plenty of time for tensions to build up.

Another User Comments: NTJ and I’m sorry but I’m laughing imagining firefighters busting in and judging someone for having a watermelon out.

Like they’re going to report you to the Housekeeping Police! Your mom told you to leave, you left. She can’t be mad about you doing exactly what she asked. The sighing and silent treatment are just tools to make you feel bad.

Don’t fall for it. And maybe next time she visits, have a conversation about emergency procedures BEFORE anything happens. Better yet, maybe suggest a hotel for her next visit if she finds your housekeeping standards so troubling.

I (27) was on a work trip with my colleague Zoe last month. We’ve been friends for over a year, and I’ve always been there for her through all her drama.

Seriously, I’ve spent countless hours listening to her problems, coming up with solutions, and being her emotional support system whenever she needed one.

Anyway, we got back to our workplace around midnight after this trip. I mentioned how I was feeling pretty nervous about getting home since I didn’t have anyone to pick me up.

My apartment is in a sketchy area, and I don’t have family nearby to call for help.

When we arrived at the office, I expected Zoe would offer to drop me off or at least wait until I got an Uber.

Instead, she just smiled, said “Goodnight!” and drove off, leaving me standing alone in the dark parking lot at midnight.

I had to order an Uber, and the driver who showed up was clearly on substances. He started swerving the car around “for fun” trying to scare me, and then demanded more money than the app showed.

I was terrified the entire ride home.

It’s been nearly a month, and I haven’t spoken to Zoe. I avoid her completely at work. What gets me is that after everything I’ve done for her – all the listening, the advice, the constant support through her endless dramatic episodes – she couldn’t do this one thing for me.

She hasn’t even apologized or acknowledged what happened.

For a year, I put so much energy into this friendship, always lifting her up when she was down. The one time I needed her, she acted like I didn’t exist.

I’m done with the relationship, but part of me wonders if I’m overreacting. AITJ for cutting her off completely?

Another User Comments: NTJ. Your friend showed her true colors that night. Supporting someone through their problems should be reciprocal, not one-sided.

The fact that she left you stranded at midnight knowing you had no safe way to get home is beyond inconsiderate. And the cherry on top? She hasn’t even apologized! That tells you everything you need to know about how much she values your friendship.

You’re not overreacting – you’re just finally setting boundaries with someone who clearly doesn’t respect you. Sometimes we need these wake-up calls to realize who our real friends are.

Another User Comments: YTJ. Look, what she did wasn’t great, but cutting someone off completely without even talking about it seems extreme.

People make mistakes, and maybe she didn’t realize how dangerous your situation was. Maybe she was exhausted from the trip and wasn’t thinking clearly. Have you considered just telling her how her actions made you feel?

Communication solves most problems. The silent treatment for a whole month is pretty immature if you ask me. Just talk to her about it instead of holding this grudge.

Another User Comments: NTJ but with a caveat. Your feelings are 100% valid, and what Zoe did was thoughtless and potentially dangerous.

However, I’m curious if this is part of a pattern or a one-time lapse in judgment. Everyone messes up occasionally. If this is the first time she’s let you down after a year of friendship, maybe consider having a conversation about how her actions affected you before cutting her off completely.

That said, the lack of apology is concerning and suggests she doesn’t see anything wrong with what she did.

Another User Comments: NTJ. As someone who’s been in a similar situation, I can tell you that these one-sided friendships drain you completely.

You give and give while the other person takes and takes. Then when you need something, they’re nowhere to be found. The Uber situation could have ended really badly – that driver sounds terrifying! You deserve friends who care about your safety and well-being.

Don’t feel bad about cutting toxic people out of your life. It’s not an overreaction; it’s self-preservation.

Another User Comments: Everyone sucks here. Yes, Zoe was thoughtless and put you in a dangerous situation.

That’s not what friends do. But giving someone the silent treatment for a month without explanation is also pretty harsh. She might not even realize what she did wrong. Adult relationships require communication. Tell her exactly why you’re upset, see if she apologizes, and then decide if the friendship is worth salvaging.

Your feelings are valid, but how you’re handling it isn’t great either.

So I finally did it. I broke up with my friend Zara last week and now everything at school is a mess.

We’d been friends since freshman year, but over the last few months, she turned into someone I couldn’t stand being around anymore.

Zara got super into social media and started obsessing over appearances. At first, it was just comments about celebrities, but then she started targeting random people at our school.

We’d be walking down the hallway and she’d point at someone and go, “Look at that girl’s skin. So gross. I’d never leave the house looking like that.”

This hit me hard because I’ve struggled with acne for years.

When I called her out, she’d laugh it off saying, “I don’t mean you! Your acne isn’t that bad.”

The final straw came when we were at lunch. This guy Hudson walked by our table – he’s a bit heavier but literally one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet.

Zara whispered, “God, he should really stop eating those fries. That could never be me.”

I just lost it. Maybe it was because I used to be overweight myself before losing 40 pounds last year, or maybe I was just tired of her nonsense.

I told her right there that her comments were hurtful and asked her to stop for the hundredth time.

She rolled her eyes and said, “You’re being too sensitive.”

After school that day, I pulled her aside and said, “Look Zara, I can’t do this anymore.

Your constant body-shaming and mean comments about people’s appearances are too much. I don’t want to be friends with someone who makes others feel bad about themselves. If you ever change and want to be kinder, I’m here, but until then, I need space.”

She started crying immediately.

Before I knew it, our mutual friend Grace rushed over. Zara must have given her some twisted version of events because Grace got in my face screaming, “You’re such a selfish jerk! Do you know how much Zara trusted you?

She was finally comfortable being herself around you!”

Now Grace is telling everyone I have anger issues and that I “attacked” Zara out of nowhere. Half our friend group isn’t speaking to me. Eva texted me saying I should apologize because “that’s just how Zara is” and I should accept her flaws.

But I don’t regret standing up for what’s right.

Being a good friend doesn’t mean accepting toxic behavior. Still, the drama is exhausting. Should I have handled it differently?

Another User Comments: NTJ at all. Your friend Zara sounds toxic and mean-spirited. You gave her multiple chances to change her behavior and she ignored you every time.

Her comments about people’s weight and appearance are cruel and say more about her insecurities than anything else. As someone who struggled with self-image issues, I applaud you for standing up not just for yourself but for others too.

Your other friends are enabling her bad behavior by making excuses for her. “That’s just how she is” is never a valid excuse for being deliberately hurtful to others. You’re better off without this friendship if she can’t respect basic human decency.

Another User Comments: YTJ but not for the reason you think.

You should have ended this friendship MONTHS ago instead of letting it drag on. Every time you let her comments slide, you were silently approving her behavior. Also, doing it so publicly was bound to create drama. You could have had a private conversation with her first before making such a final declaration.

Friends should help each other grow and improve, not just dump each other at the first sign of conflict. Both of you sound pretty immature, but that’s high school I guess. Grace overreacted too, but you all need to learn how to communicate better.

Another User Comments: NTJ and good for you for standing up for what’s right!

I was the overweight kid in high school, and comments like Zara’s destroyed my self-esteem for YEARS. People don’t realize how much damage those “casual” remarks can do. Your other friends are just uncomfortable because you disrupted the group dynamic, but sometimes that’s necessary.

It’s interesting how Grace immediately took Zara’s side without even hearing your perspective. Real friends listen to both sides. The fact that Zara cried shows she knows she was wrong but doesn’t want to admit it.

Stay strong and don’t let them manipulate you into thinking you’re the bad guy here.

Another User Comments: ESH honestly. Zara sucks for obvious reasons – body-shaming is never okay. You suck a little bit for how you handled it.

Instead of having multiple small confrontations that clearly weren’t working, you could have had one serious conversation before jumping straight to ending the friendship. Your mutual friends suck for picking sides without understanding the full situation. High school is rough with all these friendship politics.

Maybe give it some time for emotions to cool down, then try talking to Zara again about why her comments are harmful. People can change if they’re willing to learn, but they need proper feedback, not just rejection.

Another User Comments: NTJ and I’ve been exactly where you are.

My former best friend started making similar comments about people’s appearances after getting into certain social media influencers. It changed her completely. When I finally ended our friendship, I lost other friends too because she controlled the narrative.

But guess what? Years later, I’m so glad I did it. The friends who stuck by me are the ones who actually shared my values. Don’t doubt yourself. Standing up against body-shaming and cruelty isn’t wrong, even if it costs you some fair-weather friends.

High school social circles shift constantly anyway. Stay true to your principles.

My boyfriend Elliot has gotten on this weird kick lately where he thinks every single thing I do is some deep psychological issue that needs addressing.

It’s driving me insane.

Last week, I mentioned I sometimes get sleep paralysis. Instead of just saying “that sucks” like a normal person, he goes, “That’s definitely a symptom of PTSD. You need to see a counselor.” I don’t have PTSD!

Some people just get sleep paralysis!

Then this weekend, I went to two Halloween parties. Not because I’m some party animal, but because two different friend groups invited me and I wanted to see everyone. When I got home Sunday, Elliot sat me down for this serious talk about how I have a “drinking problem” and I’m “using booze to cope with stress from school.” I actually laughed because it was so ridiculous.

I told him I just went out twice because I got two invitations from people I care about.

His response? “People with problems tend not to accept they have problems.” Like, what am I supposed to say to that?

It’s a trap – if I argue, I’m just “proving his point.”

Yesterday I mentioned my sister Valerie’s birthday is coming up. Elliot immediately goes, “I know this must be the hardest time of year for you.” We’re estranged, but I’ve never once said her birthday bothers me!

Him assuming that actually made me feel worse, and now I’m questioning my own feelings.

After an argument last month, he told me, “If you ignore me, it will hurt, but I’ll know you’re doing it to protect yourself.” I never said anything remotely like that!

If I were to ignore him (which I wouldn’t because it’s childish), it would be because I was annoyed, not for “protection.”

I finally snapped yesterday and told him I don’t want him psychoanalyzing me anymore.

Now he’s upset and giving me the cold shoulder, saying he was “just caring about me.” But it doesn’t feel like care – it feels like he’s constantly trying to find problems with me that don’t exist.

AITJ for telling a guy who claims he’s just being caring to stop treating me like I’m broken?

Another User Comments: NTJ.

Your boyfriend isn’t a therapist, and even if he was, it would be totally inappropriate for him to treat you like a patient. What he’s doing sounds like a form of gaslighting – making you question your own reality and feelings.

The drinking example is particularly concerning because he’s creating a no-win situation: either you admit to a problem you don’t have, or your denial “proves” the problem exists. That’s some serious nonsense.

You deserve someone who sees you as a whole person, not a collection of “trauma responses” to be fixed.

Another User Comments: I’m going against the grain here with a soft YTJ. I think Elliot genuinely cares but is expressing it terribly.

My husband went through a phase like this after taking Psychology 101 – suddenly everything had deeper meaning. Have you tried explaining how it makes you feel rather than just telling him to stop? Something like, “When you analyze me, it makes me feel like you see me as broken rather than the person you fell for.” Might open his eyes to how his ‘help’ is actually hurting.

Another User Comments: NTJ.

Run. This is classic controlling behavior dressed up as concern. My ex used to do this – constantly pathologizing normal behavior to make me dependent on his “insights.” Notice how he’s turned your completely reasonable boundary (asking him to stop psychoanalyzing you) into something you should feel guilty about.

That’s manipulation. And the comment about you ignoring him “to protect yourself” is next-level projection. He’s creating narratives about you that serve him, not based on anything you’ve actually said or done.

Another User Comments: INFO: Has Elliot studied psychology or is he just watching too many TikTok therapists?

Because it sounds like he’s picked up just enough terminology to be dangerous. Sleep paralysis doesn’t automatically mean PTSD. Going to two parties doesn’t make someone a heavy drinker. And his response to you setting a boundary (not wanting to be analyzed) was to make it about HIS feelings rather than respecting YOUR needs.

Whether he means well or not, this behavior is harmful. The question isn’t whether you’re the jerk (you’re not), but whether this relationship is healthy for you.

Another User Comments: NTJ and I’m speaking as someone who actually works in mental health.

What Elliot is doing is incredibly harmful. He’s creating problems where none exist, making assumptions without evidence, and most concerning, dismissing your own understanding of your experiences. You’re the expert on you! The whole “people with problems don’t know they have problems” line is particularly frustrating because it’s circular logic designed to trap you.

Good partners support you through actual struggles, not invent new ones for you to deal with. Trust your instincts here.

I’m at my breaking point with this whole house hunting situation. My fiancé Matthew and I have been looking for a home in the suburbs – trying to escape the city life for something with a bit more space.

We’ve been touring places for the past three months, and every single time we walk through a property with a finished basement, Matthew says the same thing: “This would be perfect for my dad!”

I’ve told Matthew repeatedly I don’t want his father Charles living with us in our first home.

The basement is supposed to be our entertainment space – somewhere we can host friends, watch movies, maybe set up a small bar. Not convert into a separate apartment for his dad.

Charles isn’t elderly or completely dependent, but he does have a medical condition that affects his mobility.

As a nurse practitioner, I spend all day dealing with patients and their issues. The last thing I want is to come home and switch into caregiver mode again. I need separation between work and home.

Another thing – I make substantially more money than Matthew.

I’m talking about a difference of over $100K annually. I told him if he’s dead set on having his dad move in, then our financial arrangement needs to change. Either he fronts the entire mortgage or we switch to a 70/30 split in my favor.

Why should I pay half for a home that doesn’t align with my vision?

I’ve also made it clear I don’t want any financial contribution from Charles. This is OUR house, and I don’t want his father thinking he has any say in household decisions because he’s paying rent.

Last night, Matthew dropped a bomb on me.

He said if I’m not willing to compromise on this issue, we might need to reconsider getting married at all. I’m completely shocked. Am I really being unreasonable here? I thought we were building a life together, not opening an assisted living facility.

Another User Comments: I understand both sides here.

You’ve worked hard for your money and have the right to decide how your shared home functions. But his father has a medical condition, and it’s natural for Matthew to want to help. Maybe there’s a compromise – like looking for a property with a guest house or mother-in-law suite that provides more separation?

That way Charles has independence while still being close by. The financial split you suggested seems fair if you’re accommodating his family member. This is a tough situation with no perfect answer.

Another User Comments: NTJ at all.

You’re being totally practical about this. You work in healthcare and need your home to be a sanctuary, not another workplace. Plus, it’s a HUGE decision to have a parent move in, not something that should be sprung on you during house tours.

Matthew threatening to call off the wedding is manipulative and a major red flag. You two need serious pre-marital counseling before buying property together, let alone getting married. This isn’t just about Charles living with you – it’s about how you two communicate and make major life decisions.

Another User Comments: Sorry but YTJ for how you’re handling this.

Family is important, and Charles has a medical condition. How would you feel if your parents needed help and Matthew refused? The financial aspect makes sense, but your tone about the basement being for “entertainment not a nursing home” comes across as cold.

Marriage means blending families and sometimes making sacrifices. If you’re this rigid now, what happens when other family issues arise? I think Matthew is right to question if your values align for marriage.

Another User Comments: Everyone’s missing something important – what does Charles want?

Has anyone actually asked him if he WANTS to live in your basement? Some parents value independence and would hate feeling like a burden. Also, what’s the long-term plan? What happens if his condition worsens? Will Matthew be the primary caregiver or will that fall on you since you’re the healthcare professional?

These are important conversations to have before making any decisions. NTJ for wanting boundaries, but this needs more discussion.

Another User Comments: This relationship sounds doomed if you can’t find middle ground. Matthew clearly values family caregiving while you prioritize independence and boundaries.

Neither is wrong, but they might be incompatible. The financial solution you proposed makes sense objectively, but relationships aren’t just business arrangements. Have you considered looking at homes with separate in-law apartments that have their own entrance? Or perhaps helping Charles find an apartment nearby?

Don’t rush into homeownership until this is resolved.

I’ve known Joseph since high school, nearly 8 years now. We’ve always been just friends – calling each other ‘bro’ and ‘sis’ – and never had any romantic feelings whatsoever.

We’ve kept in touch despite living in different cities, mostly through texts and calls.

Things changed when Joseph met Layla about three years ago. From our first meeting, she seemed to have this weird issue with me. She literally told me my outfit looked ‘cheap’ then later accused me of trying to ‘win Joseph back’ (there was nothing to win back!).

I tried to be understanding – maybe she was just insecure about their new relationship. I backed off and only saw them at group gatherings a few times over the years. During one of those meetups, she made this ‘joke’ about how I couldn’t keep a boyfriend, right in front of everyone.

I just smiled and let it slide.

Last month, Joseph invited me to visit them for a weekend. I thought maybe Layla and I could finally become friends after all this time. I arrived Friday evening, and Joseph immediately started talking about hitting up some bar to get wasted.

I suggested maybe just hanging out at their place instead since I was tired from traveling. I mentioned looking forward to getting to know Layla better, but she just looked at me and said, ‘Why would you want that?

Are you testing me or something?’ The vibe got awkward real fast.

The entire weekend was uncomfortable. Layla barely acknowledged my existence. She’d ask Joseph ‘does she want coffee?’ while I was standing right there, then ignore my response until he repeated it.

They never once asked what I wanted to do – they just announced their plans and expected me to tag along. Even Joseph and I couldn’t connect like we used to – our conversations felt forced and shallow.

At one point he literally said, ‘I don’t know what else to talk about with you.’

They never gave me space for my belongings despite me asking several times, so my stuff stayed in my backpack in their hallway all weekend.

The final straw came when Joseph announced we were going to a bar where you can smoke inside because Layla and her friend had a ‘rough week’ and he owed them since we stayed home the previous night.

Not asking, just telling. I hate smoky places and wasn’t in the mood for booze. Layla clearly didn’t care if I came, and Joseph was only concerned about making Layla happy. So I decided to head home – a five-hour trip, but worth it to escape that situation.

The next day, they called asking what happened.

I calmly explained that I felt unwelcome and uncomfortable, using notes I’d prepared to stay polite. Layla exploded, yelling ‘Sorry my grandmother is sick!’ and ‘Sorry I hate my job!’ among other things I couldn’t even understand.

Joseph told me I’d crossed a line, and we ended the call. I texted him later saying if they were going through something, they could have just told me.

My boyfriend thinks I did the right thing by leaving, but I can’t help wondering if I triggered something in Layla.

I don’t even know if Joseph and I are friends anymore. AITJ?

Another User Comments: NTJ at all. Joseph completely changed when Layla came into the picture, and neither of them treated you with basic courtesy during your visit.

You traveled five hours to see them and they couldn’t even give you a place to put your stuff? Then they get mad when you remove yourself from an uncomfortable situation? Layla sounds incredibly insecure and Joseph is enabling her behavior.

Their problems aren’t your responsibility, especially when they didn’t communicate anything about having a rough week until after you left. True friends don’t treat guests like unwanted baggage.

Another User Comments: I’m going against the grain with a soft YTJ.

While they weren’t great hosts, leaving without having a direct conversation first seems a bit extreme. You could have pulled Joseph aside and expressed your concerns before making the five-hour trip home. Relationships take work, and it sounds like you all have unresolved tension that could have been addressed in the moment.

Also, Layla’s reaction suggests there might be more going on in their lives that you weren’t aware of. Sometimes people act poorly when they’re under stress from other factors.

Another User Comments: NTJ. I’ve been in similar situations and it’s absolutely draining.

Layla has been showing you who she is for THREE YEARS – someone who sees you as a threat despite zero evidence. Joseph has chosen to prioritize her feelings over your friendship, which is his choice, but he can’t expect you to sit there and take it.

The whole ‘sorry my grandmother is sick’ explosion afterward is just a deflection tactic to make you feel bad for setting a completely reasonable boundary. You deserve friends who make you feel valued, not tolerated.

Another User Comments: NTJ, and I think you need to accept that your friendship with Joseph has run its course.

People grow apart, and he’s clearly chosen his relationship with Layla over maintaining a healthy friendship with you. That’s not necessarily wrong of him, but it does mean you need to adjust your expectations. The fact that he couldn’t even provide basic hospitality like a place for your belongings speaks volumes.

Don’t waste more emotional energy on people who don’t reciprocate. Cherish the good memories you had and move forward.

Another User Comments: ESH. They were terrible hosts who made you feel unwelcome, but announcing you’re leaving and traveling five hours home rather than communicating directly seems a bit dramatic.

Joseph sucks for letting his girlfriend treat you poorly and for not standing up for your friendship. Layla sucks for her jealousy and rudeness. You suck a little for not being more direct about how you were feeling throughout the weekend.

Everyone could have handled this situation better, but I do think you were more justified than not in your actions.

So this weird thing happened at work last week that I’m still not sure how to feel about.

I (26F) was scrolling through my dating app during lunch when I got a notification. I opened it to find that Miles had sent me a message. The profile pic looked familiar, and then it hit me – this was the same Miles from the marketing department at my company.

We’d never actually spoken, but I’d seen him in meetings and recognized his name from company-wide emails.

His message wasn’t inappropriate or anything, just a simple “Hey Aria, your profile caught my eye.

Would love to chat sometime.” But something about it made me uncomfortable. Like, how did he find me? Was he specifically looking for coworkers on the app? Had he been watching me around the office?

I wasn’t sure what to do, so I talked to my friend Rachel who works in HR.

She told me that technically he hadn’t broken any rules if he didn’t know we worked together, but that sending messages on dating apps during work hours could potentially be an issue. She suggested I submit a screenshot through our company’s reporting system just to have it documented.

I did what Rachel suggested, and apparently Miles got a formal warning for using dating apps during work hours.

I thought that would be the end of it, but yesterday he approached me in the break room when I was alone.

“Aria, can we talk for a minute?” he asked, looking pretty upset. “I got called into HR about messaging you.

I had no idea you worked here – the app just showed we were in the same city. I wish you’d just ignored it or told me directly instead of reporting me.”

I explained I was just following HR’s advice, but he seemed really bothered by it.

“You could have ruined my reputation here over nothing,” he said before walking away.

Now I’m feeling guilty. Was I too quick to report him? Should I have just blocked him on the app and moved on?

I was uncomfortable, but maybe I overreacted. Then again, I think it’s weird that he confronted me about it instead of just dealing with HR directly.

Another User Comments: I think you’re NTJ. You felt uncomfortable and asked HR for advice, which is exactly what they’re there for.

You didn’t set out to get him in trouble, you were just documenting something that made you uneasy. If he got in trouble for using dating apps during work hours, that’s on him, not you. His confronting you afterward was inappropriate and honestly proves you were right to be cautious.

He could have just accepted the warning and moved on, but instead he tried to make you feel bad about it.

Another User Comments: Sorry, but YTJ here. Dating apps show people in your area, and it was just a coincidence you both work together.

His message wasn’t creepy or inappropriate. You could have just ignored it or politely declined. Going straight to HR seems like an overreaction that could have serious consequences for his career. Imagine how you’d feel if someone reported you for something this minor.

Next time, try handling it directly or just block the person if you’re not interested.

Another User Comments: ESH. You overreacted by reporting him before even trying to handle it directly, but he also shouldn’t have confronted you about it afterward.

That was unprofessional of him. Dating apps are tricky when it comes to coworkers – it’s awkward but not necessarily reportable unless there’s actual harassment. I think both of you could have handled this situation with more maturity.

Maybe take this as a learning experience about communication in the workplace.

Another User Comments: NTJ. As someone who’s been in a similar situation, those saying you overreacted don’t understand how uncomfortable these situations can be.

You didn’t go to HR demanding he be fired; you asked for advice and followed it. The fact that he approached you afterward instead of respecting boundaries is concerning. Trust your instincts about what makes you uncomfortable. You have every right to protect your professional boundaries.

Another User Comments: Soft YTJ.

I get being uncomfortable, but this seems like a simple misunderstanding that could have been resolved without involving HR. Dating apps use location, so matching with coworkers happens all the time. His message wasn’t inappropriate, and confronting you afterwards, while not ideal, was probably because he felt blindsided.

In the future, consider whether something requires formal reporting or just a simple “I don’t date coworkers” message and block.

So I’m kind of in a weird spot with my son Elliot right now. He’s 18, finishing up his senior year, and has been accepted to the local university.

The issue? He’s planning to live at home during college, and while my wife Vanessa is totally cool with it, I’m honestly not.

I’ve always believed that part of becoming an adult is learning to stand on your own two feet.

When I was Elliot’s age, my parents basically handed me my bags on my 18th birthday and wished me luck. It was tough, but looking back, those years of struggling taught me so much about responsibility, budgeting, and just general life skills.

Last weekend, I finally brought up my concerns during dinner.

I suggested that maybe Elliot should look into student housing or find some roommates. He barely looked up from his phone and said, “Mom already said I could stay, so what’s the problem?”

Vanessa immediately jumped in with, “Nolan, we’ve discussed this.

College is expensive enough without adding rent on top of it. Besides, most of his friends are staying home too.”

I tried explaining that it wasn’t about the money, but about him developing independence. Elliot rolled his eyes and said I was being dramatic.

Later, Vanessa told me I was being unreasonable and that times have changed since I was young. The housing market is brutal now, and expecting kids to move out at 18 is unrealistic.

I get that, but I also see how my son still expects us to do his laundry, doesn’t know how to cook anything beyond microwave meals, and has never paid a bill in his life.

I’m worried we’re setting him up for failure by continuing to coddle him.

My brother Charles thinks I’m right, but most of our friends side with Vanessa. They say I should be grateful my son even wants to go to college and isn’t asking us to fund some gap year backpacking through Europe or something.

Am I totally out of line here?

Am I just projecting my own experience onto my kid? I want what’s best for him, but I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m the one who needs to adjust his thinking.

Another User Comments: I understand where you’re coming from, Nolan, but the world is different now.

When you were 18, college tuition was probably what, a few thousand a year? Now it can be tens of thousands. Living at home is often the only way kids can afford education without drowning in debt. That said, you can still teach him independence while he lives with you.

Make him pay a small amount of rent, require he does his own laundry and cooking, and give him some household responsibilities. It’s a fair compromise that prepares him for the real world while acknowledging economic realities.

Another User Comments: YTJ.

Sorry but you are. My parents kicked me out at 18 like yours did to you, and guess what? I ended up dropping out of college because I couldn’t handle working full-time to pay rent WHILE being a full-time student.

Now I’m 35 with no degree and still struggling. Is that what you want for your son? The “I suffered so you should too” mentality is toxic parenting. Be grateful you can provide him a stable environment while he focuses on education.

Your wife is right – times have changed, and not for the better for young adults.

Another User Comments: NTJ but your approach needs work. Instead of focusing on him moving out, focus on him developing life skills while at home.

Teach him to do his laundry, cook meals, manage money, etc. Set up a scenario where he pays “rent” but you secretly put that money in savings for him. That way, when he does move out, he’ll have both skills AND a financial cushion.

Remember, the goal isn’t to make him struggle like you did – it’s to prepare him for independence in a way that makes sense in today’s economy.

Another User Comments: Have you actually sat down with your son and had a real conversation about your concerns?

Not during dinner when everyone’s distracted, but a genuine heart-to-heart? Because from your post, it sounds like you’re making assumptions about his readiness for independence based on current behaviors that might just be convenience. Maybe he knows how to do laundry but doesn’t because you do it anyway.

Set clear expectations about household contributions while he lives there, rather than pushing him out the door.

Another User Comments: I’m going against the grain to say NTJ. Kids need to learn independence somehow. My nephew lived at home during college, and at 27 he still can’t function as an adult.

If Elliot stays, establish clear household rules: he pays some rent, does his share of chores, cooks certain nights, etc. No freeloading. If he refuses, then maybe student housing IS the answer. College isn’t just about classes – it’s about learning to navigate adult life.

Balance your wife’s compassion with your practical concerns, and find middle ground that prepares your son for eventual independence.

I’ve got three kids – Vivian (23), Beatrice (20), and Simon (9). Both my girls reached major milestones recently. Vivian finished her degree at a good university in May, and Beatrice just wrapped up her associate’s at the local community college last week.

My husband Richard and I are beyond proud of them both.

We’ve been watching our spending lately because money’s been tight, but we still wanted to celebrate properly. We decided on iPads and $100 Visa gift cards for both girls.

Not extravagant, but something useful they’d appreciate.

Here’s where things got complicated. Watching Simon sit through all these celebrations for his sisters, I kept thinking about how patient he’s been. He’s just a kid seeing his sisters accomplish things that are forever away in his mind.

I wanted him to know we see him too, you know?

So I picked up an iPad for Simon as well, plus a new gaming console and a few games (since a Visa card isn’t much fun for a 9-year-old).

I gave everyone their gifts during Beatrice’s graduation party with family around.

Everything seemed fine until I found Beatrice waiting for me in the kitchen later. Her face was all scrunched up like when she was little and trying not to cry.

“Mom, why did Simon get more stuff than us?

We’re the ones who actually accomplished something,” she said.

I tried explaining that growing up with much older siblings is tough, always watching them reach milestones while your own seem so far away. “I just wanted him to feel special too.

He’s been so good throughout all the ceremonies and parties.”

“So you got him bigger presents than the actual graduates?” Beatrice crossed her arms. “The iPad would have been enough, but you got him a gaming system too?

It’s like you care more about his feelings than celebrating our achievements.”

“That’s not true at all,” I told her. “I was just trying to get presents everyone would enjoy.”

She just shook her head.

“Why don’t you just admit Simon is your favorite?” Then she walked out.

It’s been almost a week, and Beatrice still barely speaks to me. When she does, her words are icy. She says she won’t talk to me normally until I apologize for “prioritizing my baby over her special moment.”

Richard thinks Beatrice should try to understand Simon’s position more.

I don’t want to take back Simon’s gifts – he’s been so happy with them. But I keep wondering if I messed up by not thinking through how this would look to my daughters on their big day.

Another User Comments: I get where you’re coming from, but the timing was way off.

You essentially upstaged your daughter at her own graduation celebration by giving your son bigger gifts. You could’ve given Simon his gifts privately on a different day. It sends a weird message when the kid who didn’t accomplish anything gets more rewards than the ones being celebrated.

Your heart was in the right place, but your execution needed work. Beatrice’s feelings are valid here – imagine working hard for years only to see your little brother get more presents at YOUR party.

Another User Comments: NTJ.

Parents need to consider all their children’s emotional needs. Your son is 9 and watching both sisters get celebrated while he gets nothing would be tough. That said, maybe the gifts could have been more balanced or given separately.

Your daughter is acting entitled though – at 20 she should be mature enough to understand her little brother needs attention too. This isn’t the last celebration she’ll ever have! The fact she’s demanding an apology and giving you the cold shoulder shows she needs to grow up a bit.

Another User Comments: This reminds me of my childhood as the youngest.

My parents never considered how I felt watching my siblings get celebrated. The fact you thought about Simon’s feelings shows you’re trying to be a thoughtful parent. However, I do think the gaming console plus iPad was probably overkill compared to what the graduates received.

A small token gift would’ve been enough to acknowledge him without overshadowing your daughters’ achievements. Soft YTJ for good intentions but poor execution.

Another User Comments: YTJ, sorry. While I understand wanting to include your youngest, you basically rewarded him more generously for doing nothing than you did your daughters for their actual achievements.

What lesson does this teach? That just existing deserves bigger rewards than working hard? Maybe save the iPad for his birthday and just give him a small gift at the graduation. And Beatrice is right to be upset – her graduation was overshadowed by her brother getting better presents than her.

Another User Comments: Everyone’s missing something important – you gave these gifts AT the graduation party.

That makes it weird. If you’d given Simon his gifts another day, this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s like bringing a present to someone else’s birthday party. Your intentions were good, but the execution made it seem like you were diminishing your daughters’ achievements.

Talk to Beatrice, validate her feelings, and maybe plan something special just for her to show you really are proud of what she accomplished.

I never thought I’d be in a fight with my older brother over something like this, but here we are.

My 7-year-old nephew Omar has a severe food allergy situation. He can’t eat most nuts–or at least that’s what I thought.

I’m 16 and living with my parents while finishing high school and working part-time at the mall.

My brother Elijah tends to drop Omar at our house without much warning. Sometimes he calls ahead, sometimes he just shows up. My parents don’t mind since they love spending time with their grandson.

Yesterday, I ordered some takeout chicken for lunch, not knowing Elijah was planning to stop by.

I was in the middle of an online study session when they arrived, so I just waved hello and went back to my room. When I finished about twenty minutes later, I came out to find Omar happily munching on one of my chicken nuggets.

I totally freaked out!

I remembered reading somewhere that this restaurant chain fries everything in peanut oil. Without thinking, I yelled, “Omar’s eating nuggets fried in peanut oil!”

Elijah immediately went into emergency mode. He grabbed the EpiPen from his bag and injected Omar right there in our living room.

Omar started crying–not from an allergic reaction, but from being suddenly stabbed with a needle while enjoying his stolen nugget.

That’s when things got messy. Elijah called his wife Gabriela to tell her what happened. She rushed over and was absolutely livid, but not for the reason I expected.

Turns out, highly refined peanut oil doesn’t trigger Omar’s allergies at all. They’ve known this for years, and Omar has eaten food prepared with it many times without issues.

Now Elijah is demanding I pay to replace the EpiPen.

These things cost around $600, and that’s without insurance! I’ve only managed to save about $800 from my minimum wage job, and that’s supposed to be for my college fund.

I tried explaining that I was just trying to protect Omar, but Elijah isn’t having it.

He says they can’t afford to replace it right now, and since my “ignorance” caused them to waste it, I should pay. But honestly, shouldn’t he have stopped his kid from eating random food off the table if he has serious allergies?

And why didn’t he tell me about the peanut oil exception?

My parents are staying out of it, saying we need to work it out ourselves. ... Click here to continue reading